


A Certain Kind Of Chaos

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-20 20:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The epic romance of Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak started in a dimly lit English classroom. Of course, it took a few months for them to get their heads out of their asses and realise that they were in the middle of a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alittlebitwicked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitwicked/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally planned for this fiction to be 12 chapters long to represent the twelve days of Christmas. Unfortunately, circumstances arose which caused me to be absent for the most of November - still, I hope this is what you're looking for, and that you enjoy it. Thank you for your prompt, although difficult at times, it was wonderful to work with.

The epic romance of Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak started in a dimly lit English classroom, where the teacher slept more than she taught and the students read magazines instead of the classic literature that they needed to pass their exams. 

They were two weeks into term when their teacher realised her senior English class had October assessments coming up. In a rush, she handed texts to all of them and paired them together, telling them that in three weeks’ time they would have to deliver a presentation to the class discussing the themes of the book or play. As luck would have it, Dean’s partner was absent that whole week and he’d been left to start the project alone. In that time he learned that Castiel Novak was always stoned at parties, had moved from Ohio to Lawrence and was living with his two cousins. Dean also learned that Castiel had been in school since the beginning of the year but had kept himself well hidden; the only reason most people knew about him was because he’d punched Balthazar in the face as soon as he’d entered the building. 

It had been revealed when one of Balthazar's teammates held Castiel up against the lockers, that Castiel was in fact Balthazar's younger cousin, and if anyone were to touch him again Balthazar and Gabriel would make sure they'd suffer a very painful death.

It was the Monday of the second week when Dean and Castiel finally met. Dean had shuffled into the classroom, still half asleep, only to stop short in front of his desk as he noticed someone else was already occupying the seat. Castiel’s head was thrown back, his hands absentmindedly playing with a pencil while he hummed something underneath his breath. Dean looked towards the front of the classroom for a moment, confusion clouding his face as he caught sight of one of his friends staring at Castiel in wonder. 

“Although I’m flattered by your attention, would you now like to accompany me to the library and continue with the project?” 

Castiel turned his gaze to Dean; one eye shut while the other opened to reveal a shocking blue; after stepping back in surprise, Dean caught sight of the small cylinder tucked behind Castiel’s ear, and reached forward to pull it away, raising an eyebrow in mild curiosity. 

“I don’t get it – you actually have a reputation with these things. Why do you smoke so much, man?” 

“’I keep hoping the things will kill me; a fire at one end, a fool at the other.’” 

“You know Vonnegut?”

“I know more than just Vonnegut, Winchester.” Castiel replied with a small smirk, genuine humour visible from his blood-shot eyes. Dean didn’t bother questioning how Castiel knew his name and smiled slightly, and shook Castiel's hand with ease as the teen continued to speak. 

“Castiel Novak; I apologise for my absence in the first week of our project. I hope I won't have set us back too far.” 

“Dean is fine; don’t worry about it. Just – there is one thing. I’m pretty sure Vonnegut was talking about cigarettes.”

“Cigarettes or joints, it makes no difference. They’re both going to kill you in the end.”

Dean lowered his eyes for a moment, not sure whether it was in disagreement or disapproval. He didn’t know what it was, but from the moment Castiel raised his tired blue eyes up at Dean before walking towards the library as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, Dean made it his duty to befriend and help Castiel before the guy went way over his head. 

\----

“I hadn’t realised you were the star batter of the school’s baseball team.”

“It’s no big deal.” Dean smiled sheepishly at the compliment before pausing to look up from his paperwork.

“Surely you’ve to give yourself more credit.”

“Nah I just do what I can. Oh, can you pass me the book on- thanks Cas, you’re awesome.”

“…Cas?”

“What?

“Since…when did I become Cas?”

“In my head? About half way through Monday’s lesson when we went to the library.”

“Ah.”

“If you want I can stop-“

“No! No it’s fine it’s just – it’s new.”

“Yeah well, figured the angel of Thursday needed a nickname.”

“How did you -?”

“I know more than just baseball, Novak.”

There was a small chuckle. “I’m sure you do.”

\----

“Did you take that philosophy test on Monday?” 

“Yeah.”

“And you got an A?”

“Yeah.”

“But you were so out of it, man!” 

“Being stoned doesn’t mean being stupid, Dean.”

“Are you always stoned?”

“Hm. Generally speaking: yeah.”

“I don’t even-“

\----

“Are you… are you crying?”

“What? No.”

“Oh my God, you are. Dean Winchester, crying over a tv show. That's one for the records.”

“Shut up. It’s not just any TV show, it’s the Dr. Sexy finale and- what are you doing?”

“Me? Nothing, why?”

“Novak, give me your phone.”

“What phone?”

"Give me the phone."

"Now why would I do that?"

"The phone, Cas.”

"Is in my hand, yes."

“Give it to me.”

"Hmm, I thought the answer to the question would be fairly obvious."

“Put the phone down or you're not allowed to step foot in my house for the next week.”

"I think I can live with that. Come on Dean, let's talk a little more about Dr. Sexy's broken heart."

“I hate you.”

“You gonna cry some more?”

“Fuck. Off. Fuck right off.”

\----

"What the… what are you doing?'

"I'm trying to do a handstand."

"….You're trying to do a handstand?" 

"Yes."

"And how's that working out for you?"

"As you can see, it's proving slightly difficult, smartass." 

"Well let me help you,"

"No…Dean….Dean get those finger-"

"Sorry I can't hear you,"

"Dean Winchester you stop…ah- stop…. stop tickling me right now- Dean!"

"Stop moving Cas, you're meant to be doing a handstand,"

"Tickling me- stop!"

"What's that Cas?"

"I'm gonna- ah I'm fall-" There was a faint thud as Castiel fell back, pushing Dean down with him.

"Fuck!"

"I told you. Hahah-" 

"Did you just hiccup?"

"…No."

"Yes you did. Oh my god."

"Stop laughing!"

"You were doing a handstand to stop your hiccups."

"Dean!"

"Aw I'm sorry I laughed Cas.- No, wait! Where are you going?" 

"Away from you."

"Aw Cas, come back. I really am sorry."

"You better be."

"Mhmm." Dean walked forward, grabbing Castiel from behind and burying his head into Castiel's shoulder.

"Okay, you can let me go now, I've got to get a glass of- of water."

"No."

"Dean, come on- I need to get rid of these hiccups."

"Why? I think you sound kind of cute."

"….Fuck you."

"You love me."

\-----

“Your mother is very kind Dean, but she needn’t be so hospitable.”

“Dude, don’t worry about it. You’ve been to my house three times and she loves you more than she loves me. Also, you talk like you’ve swallowed a dictionary.”

“Well, I learned to speak with a dictionary.”

“That’s funny, Chuckles.”

“I don’t understand that reference.”

“It’s- nah, never mind. My brother would love you though; he’s a freshman at school: Sammy. You got any kid brothers or sisters?”

“No, I just have Gabriel and Balthazar.”

“How do you even handle them, man?”

“A few punches, a few threats, and of course, I’m their father’s favourite.”

“Man you’re a-“ Dean paused to raise a confused eyebrow at Castiel, “what?”

“Nothing.”

“Cas, seriously, what? Why are you smiling like that?”

“It seems that you forgot to hide your pink-“ 

“Fuck off. Those are Anna’s.” 

Dean groaned, burying his head into the pillow as Castiel’s chuckles grew louder. A few moments later Mary found Cas breathless from laughter on the floor as Dean attacked him with his pillow. 

\----

Running up behind Cas at the end of the day, Dean draped an arm across the shorter teen’s shoulders. Cas tried to duck away but Dean ruffled his hair, pulling him closer and grinning as Cas sighed in defeat. As they walked towards Dean’s car, Anna attached herself to Dean’s free arm, sending Castiel a tight smile that he returned lazily. Suffice to say many noted that Cas was a threat to Dean and Anna’s infamous relationship, the couple having been together for over two years, but not many students found it in themselves to voice this opinion or even care. 

It was also duly noted that if you called Castiel ‘Cas’ and your name wasn’t Dean, you would be ignored.

Something about Dean and Castiel seemed right, no matter how you looked at it. From the moment people saw them walk around the school pitch, Dean talking animatedly while Castiel had his nose buried in a book, they caught on to the two teens’ relationship. The way Dean would talk and Cas would listen, and how Cas wouldn’t always have to say anything, but Dean would know. Or that when Castiel would talk about the universe and the meaning of life, stoned or not, Dean would join in, and they’d sit quoting plays and novels to each other, oblivious to the world.

It was the way people couldn’t picture the two teens without each other anymore. Students and teachers alike always assumed that if Castiel and Dean shared a class, then they’d be working together, and if they weren’t sharing a class, they’d soon be reunited. It was when Dean would sit with Cas as he smoked his joint, but not smoke with him, instead sending Cas glares that seemed more pleading than disapproving. It was how Castiel stayed behind most days, watching Dean from the bleachers as he attempted to finish his English essay. It was that Castiel and Dean seemed to know each other better than anyone else, even though they’d only known each other for the shortest amount of time. 

Instead of going to Anna, or being stupid enough to seek out Dean’s younger brother, students would head over to Castiel for information about Dean only to receive a vague comment thrown in their direction. Sometimes when Castiel was especially high or fed up with the general stupidity of the majority of his peers, he would give them false information. Then, when Dean would corner him at lunch to ask why the new cheerleader brought in raw spinach and red meat for his lunch, Castiel would laugh and shrug his shoulders, earning a grin from Dean. 

Instead of spending their hours together studying, leaving that for free periods during school, Dean and Cas would spend time at Dean’s house or at a local diner, simply talking.

Dean revealed that he wanted to apply to medical school, whereas Cas wanted to study theology and become a professor. Castiel quickly discovered Dean’s love of pie and his car, a ’67 Chevy Impala; in return Dean soon discovered Cas’s love for piano and addiction to marijuana. He grew worried at Cas’ somewhat religious habit however, anytime Dean tried to ask Cas about it and recommend help, Cas would pointedly change the subject with a smile, his hands twitching to smoke another joint. 

“So,” Dean started loosening his arm around Anna’s waist, “do we have any plans tonight?” 

“I was hoping we could go out somewhere,” she replied, her eyes flickering to Castiel for a moment and how Dean’s arm seemed to be gripping Castiel’s shoulder.

“Oh…oh sure, yeah. Hey Cas?” 

“It’s alright Dean, I’ll wait for Balthazar to finish practice. Gabriel has already gone by the looks of things.”

“No way. I’m not letting you wait another half hour; it’s Friday - we get let out of school early for a reason. Let me drop you off at home at least. Anna, you don’t mind do you, babe?” 

Truth be told, Anna knew she had no other option. The worse thing was that she couldn’t hate Castiel or Dean for what she could see happening between them; it was probably why she craved time alone with Dean so much, if only to hold on to him a little longer. 

“It’s fine,” Anna nodded, a defeated smile gracing her features. She knew that it would always be like that; from the moment Dean and Cas had become friends it was plain to see. 

Dean and Castiel balanced each other out beautifully and inexplicably; they fit together in a way no two other people could. From the way their bodies fit into each other’s side, to the way they smiled at each other that made it seem every thing they did led back to a private joke or past memory shared. In fact, the most obvious thing was they way they looked at each other, so intimate that other people felt as if they were intruding on something private. 

Castiel muttered a small thank you, looking up at Dean softly. Anna guessed Dean was trying to be as quiet as possible when he replied under his breath, but she still managed to catch his words.

“Anything for you, Cas.”


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Castiel met Sam Winchester, he was stoned. Which, when you look at it, wasn’t all that surprising. 

Castiel had been walking aimlessly around the school grounds, waiting for Dean to finish baseball practice, as Dean had promised to drive him home. It was while he was wondering why the sky never reached a certain shade of blue that Castiel heard a few familiar voices around the corner of the school building. He paused for a moment, his mind hazily trying to process where he’d heard the gruff tones before, and then nodded, placing them as the same voices that had attacked him when Castiel had punched Balthazar on his first day at school. Though knowing that this meant trouble, in an odd bout of stupidity, Cas sauntered towards the direction the voices were coming from. 

If he hadn’t been walking so slowly, Castiel would have walked straight into Gordon Walker’s back. Castiel peered over Gordon’s shoulder, the teen hardly taller than Castiel himself, to see Sam gazing up at the two baseball players defiantly. For a brief second, where Sam acknowledged Castiel’s presence, Castiel could see the fear in Sam’s gaze even though he was trying to cover it up. Castiel nodded in turn, smiling briefly at Sam, before slowly backing away with a shrug of his shoulders. 

Castiel saw a flash of betrayal cross Sam’s face and raised an eyebrow at him lazily, unsurprised by Sam’s lack of faith. He waited a few more moments, seeing just how far Gordon and his friend, Uriel, would go. It was just as Uriel threateningly started walking closer to Sam, whom Castiel decided couldn’t be older than fourteen, that Castiel finally cut in with a small cough. All three pairs of eyes immediately focused on him, Uriel and Gordon looked aggravated whereas Sam simply looked dumbfounded. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Gordon asked, stepping away from Sam and closer to Castiel.

“Gordon, watch your language. There are minors here.” Castiel lifted his right hand slightly, motioning for Sam to come and stand beside him. When the teen cautiously came to stand by him, Castiel let out a small sigh of relief. “I’m sure this is simply a misunderstanding; I wouldn’t have interrupted had Uriel not advanced on this fine young man. Now if you don’t mi-“

“Dude, are you stoned?” Uriel’s voice cut in, full of disbelief. 

“What do you think, dumbass?” Sam snickered beside him as Castiel linked their arms together; Castiel then nodded his head and sent both jocks a small wink. “As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, I’m going to escort this young individual otherwise known as-“

“Sam,” Sam cut in, his voice full of amusement. 

“Otherwise known as Sam, to the nearest hospital. God knows how many brain cells he damaged when he was listening to you talk; young minds can’t afford to suffer from the stupidity of idiots. The amount of idiot people is increasing, you see, Doctor's are saying it might be contagious.” 

“Just wait one fu-“ Gordon interrupted, stepping forward to grab Sam’s arm. Logically speaking, Castiel’s reflexes were meant to be dull considering the amount of pot he’s smoked earlier, but he moved so fast that they barely had time to register it. One moment he’d been leaning into Sam’s side and the next, his fist was connecting with Gordon’s jaw, causing Gordon to stumble back. 

“It seems as if you didn’t remember what I said earlier. I’ll repeat it for you: I don’t want to see you threatening young students again. ‘If you can do no good, at least do no harm’ – unfortunately, it’s fairly obvious neither of you can do anything out of the goodness of your hearts, so I’d advise you to do no bad either.”

It seemed as if shock rendered both seniors mute, and without waiting for their wits to return, Castiel turned and dragged Sam towards the parking lot. As soon as Castiel believed them to be sufficiently far away, he stopped walking and barely stumbled when Sam bumped into his back. Turning around and giving the shorter teen a lazy smile, Castiel held out his hand. 

“Castiel Novak,” 

“Sam Winchester. Thanks for the help, man.” 

“Ah, Dean’s young brother. No worries, their shouting was disrupting the birds’ song. And I truly meant what I said about your brain cells; you should get that checked as soon as possible.”  
Sam let out another laugh, his eyes bright as he adjusted the bag on his shoulders. 

“You’re Dean’s best friend aren’t you? Cas?” 

“It’s a shame our relationship has to be limited to such boundaries, but yes generally speaking that is what most would call us.” 

Sam stared up at Castiel in wonder; even while Castiel was stoned, there was a certain charm to him. If it hadn’t been for the skilful and powerful punch Sam had seen Castiel throw a few moments ago, he would’ve assumed that the skinny male could barely lift a finger. There was something about Cas that both intrigued and calmed him. Sam felt a sudden sadness in his heart; Castiel was obviously smart, as Sam had seem him walk into many of the AP classes and attend a lot of the debating meetings, giving opinions on topics that no one had previously considered. However here Castiel was, stoned out of his mind with a smile on his face that looked too relaxed to be completely natural – and Sam hoped that whatever Castiel had gone through to make him feel that drugs were the only way out, he would eventually come on top of it all. 

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet you.” 

“Likewise Sam, I believe our encounter is long overdue.” 

Sam could only nod in agreement while Cas contemplated the reasons why Dean had never formally introduced them, despite Dean’s insistence that Sam would ‘love’ him. Whenever Cas and Dean talked about family, or Castiel looked through a collection of photos in Dean’s room, they would all include Dean’s younger brother. If they were talking about their dreams, or exam results, Dean would claim how proud he was of ‘Sammy’ and how smart his kid brother was. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Dean’s world revolved around Sam, and Castiel didn’t put a limit on the heights Dean would go to for his brother. 

On the other hand, Sam had realised Castiel’s impact on Dean very early on in the year. Sam knew that his brother loved him and included him in every part of his life, towards the end of last year, however, when Dean’s relationship with Anna also grew strained, he would come home from school or work and lock himself in his room. He still bantered with Sam and never said a word wrong to either of their parents, but Dean had become subdued and quiet. Even Bobby, their surrogate father, had been unable to get anything out of him. So when Dean burst through the door five weeks ago with a smile on his face, dragging a wide-eyed Castiel behind him, Sam knew he’d be eternally thankful to him for changing Dean for the better. 

“How come you’re never around when Dean picks-“ Castiel answered before Sam could even finish the question; given, most days Sam stayed after school until four or five, either caught up in the library or attending several clubs, however Sam had assumed he’d have seen Castiel at least once during his time spent with Dean.

“This dropping me off at home, or rather, bringing me to your house, is a recent habit Dean has developed. I usually go home with Balthazar or Gabriel.” 

“Ah.” The pair walked towards the Impala in companionable silence before Sam tilted his head to the side and looked once more at Castiel, a small frown on his lips. “Earlier, when you were talking to that guy, you quoted Vonnegut.”

“Did I?”

“I…I think so.”

“You’ll have to remind me, Sam, I forget most of what I say. Which is why I’m currently searching for a scribe, in case I should ever say something of grave importance. Or stupidity.” Sam chuckled slightly at the dazed tone with which Castiel replied despite his serious expression.

“You said, ‘if you can do no good-‘”

“At least do no harm ‘. Ah yes, the book itself was fairly interesting too; the way in which Vonnegut perceived things. It’s truly fascinating.”

“Slapstick, right? He wrote it when he felt lonely within society, and with himself, I think.” 

“Yes, quite right.”

“Dean’s favourite is Slaughterhouse-Five.”

“Why does that not surprise me? I do have a question to ask you Sam, if you don’t mind.”

“Shoot.”

“How do you know about Vonnegut?”

“Well like I said, Dean’s favourite book is by the guy. Dean practically knows all of Vonnegut’s work by heart. And seeing as Dean might as well have raised me, I caught on a little.”

“I must say I’m quite impressed. You’re a smart kid, Sam, Dean was right about you. I doubt there are many fourteen year olds in this day and age with whom I would enjoy having this conversation with. Assuming they know about Vonnegut in the first place.” 

Sam ducked his head, blushing slightly at the compliment, before he was suddenly pushed forward. Dean had jumped on him from behind, but now stood ruffling Sam’s hair affectionately, sending a wink to Cas that was returned half heartedly. 

“I see my two favourite people in the world have now met each other,” he finally commented, talking a lollipop out of his jacket and handing it to Sam. “I got it from Gabe,” he offered as an explanation.

“Ah yes, Gabriel seems to manifest confectionary like I do drugs.” Castiel replied, missing the sombre expression that flashed across both the Winchester brothers’ faces. 

“How come you never let us meet before, jerk?” Sam started, elbowing Dean in the side before clambering into the back of the Impala. Dean raised a questioning eyebrow at how easily Sam had given up sitting in the passenger seat for Cas, silently acknowledging how Sam hardly ever did so for Anna. 

“You both have weird schedules.” Dean answered defensively, momentarily raising one hand from the wheel.

“Yeah, but Cas has been over to our house so many times! You just keep him locked up in your room.”

“Well you’ve met him now so shut up, bitch.” 

As soon as the words left Dean’s mouth, Castiel leaned over and punched Dean in the shoulder, hard enough to leave a bruise. 

“What the fuck was that for, man?” 

“I punched Gordon earlier for his language around Sam. Don’t think you’re an exception just because we’re friends, Winchester.”

Dean had barely turned to send a Sam baffled look before the younger Winchester began to explain how he’d met Castiel. His hands moved animatedly as he talked, eyes growing wide as he recalled the fear he’d felt when Gordon and Uriel had cornered him. 

“Just wait till I see that bastar- ow! Cas, godd- Cas!” Castiel leaned back, satisfied with his attack, while Sam chuckled quietly from the backseat. 

“It’s fine, Dean,” Sam finally breathed out once he’d controlled his laughter, “Cas took care of it. Oh my god, man, you should have seen it! One minute Cas was stoned out of his mind – sorry Cas,” Castiel shook his head passively, gesturing with his hand for Sam to continue, “and then suddenly he was like batman.”

“This scrawny guy?” Dean smiled, tilting his head innocently in Cas’s direction but then flinched when the teen gave him a deathly glare, subconsciously rubbing the sore arm Cas had hit several times. As the Impala pulled up into the Winchester’s driveway Castiel, now partially sober, tried to force Dean to take him back to his own house, but Sam was insistent that Cas stayed for dinner. They argued for a few minutes before Dean finally got out of the car and picked Castiel up over his shoulder, carrying him into the house. 

When it came to dinner, the three of them decided it would be interesting to see what they could make themselves instead of eating left overs. After a heated discussion, the three of them agreed that homemade pizza was the best option they had. Immediately, Cas started helping Sam make the dough for the pizza while Dean set about the kitchen finding the ingredients that he deemed necessary for the 'perfect pizza'. Dean leaned over the counter to turn the radio on, poking his fingers into Sam's hip and making the teen squirm away, laughing. For a while, the three worked in companionable silence while the radio faintly hummed pop songs in the background. Occasionally Sam and Dean would sing along, dancing around the kitchen and trying to convince Cas to join in. Castiel would shake his head and stand to the side, a small, fond smile on his face. 

"That song was fuck-" Dean was cut off when a small, floury ball of dough hit his cheek. It stayed there for only a moment before falling off, leaving a patch of gooey yeast on his face. 

"What. The. Hell?" Dean asked, his glare transforming into an unreadable gaze. Sam caught a small smirk on Dean's lips and turned to Cas, hiding a smile.

"The amount of terrible language I have heard today is fucking atrocious."

"You are such a hypocrite, Novak." 

"And you, Winchester, are a dumbass." Another dough ball attached itself to Dean's face before falling onto the floor with a small thud. This time Dean was quick to react and before Castiel could move out of the way, a spoonful of tomato sauce hit him square in the chest. All too soon Sam had joined in and the three of them were found themselves separate corners of the kitchen, surrounded by food and flour, grinning at each other and taking whatever chances they could to attack. At first, Dean had tried to convince Sam to join him but instead, the younger Winchester opted to be on his own team and managed to get several egg yolks onto the back of Dean's shirt. 

A few minutes later, Cas and Dean were chasing each other around the kitchen throwing peas and sweetcorn at each other while Sam danced around to music, dodging throws made his way. Suddenly, Castiel slipped towards Sam and in order to avoid him, waved his arms around in order to catch onto something, resulting in Cas dragging Dean down with him. Both of them were breathless with laughter as they lay side by side on the dirty floor, their shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Each time they tried to get up, one of them would slip and bring the other down once more. Sam found this particularly amusing and only managed to keep himself from falling with laughter by grasping onto the kitchen counter.

When Mary walked in from her shift at the hospital half an hour later, the two eighteen year olds scrambled up in a rush and looked sheepishly at her. At first she had glared at both her children with a warning that if they didn't clean up after they'd done whatever it was they were doing, she would be having words. However as soon as she caught sight of Castiel, looking at her with wide and guilty eyes, she smiled and walked over, avoiding the mess on the floor, and gave him a small kiss on the forehead after he'd bent down to reach her height. 

"Sure mum, make it obvious who your favourite is." Dean had teasingly accused, pointing a wooden spoon at her while Sam nodded from across the room. It came as a shock when, instead of replying, Mary picked up a small handful of flour off of the table top and dropped it down Dean's shirt with a small kiss to his forehead. 

"I love you too, you big baby," she had smiled, and didn't complain when Sam bounded over to give her a tight hug, getting food all over her work clothes. She silently began to make herself a small sandwich as Cas offered to make her a cup of tea. Sam and Dean started to clean up, throwing everything in a large bin bag and getting out anti-bacterial sprays to wipe the surfaces clean, while Sam rattled off about his day and telling her about how he finally met Cas for the first time. Half an hour later with the clock now informing them all it was five in the afternoon, Mary retreated upstairs for a shower and an early night, giving all three of them a kiss on the forehead. 

It was decided that instead of making another mess, the three of them would order in a pizza and watch a movie. Dean called for the order while Sam took the time to run upstairs and have a quick shower, returning fifteen minutes later to see that his brother had barely moved an inch and was standing opposite Castiel with a small, rare smile on his face. Sam paused for another moment, his mind analysing the situation quickly before he coughed into his hand, hiding the grin on his face when both teens jumped apart. 

"Samantha, are you seriously done? I thought girls took a little longer to get ready?"

"Stop being a jerk, jerk."

"Bitch," Dean chucked in reply, walking past Sam and dragging Castiel upstairs with him. "If the food comes, there's money on the counter by the fruit bowl." 

Dean faintly heard Sam reply with an affirmative as he reached his room, walking inside he started shuffling through his drawers looking for old clothes that were probably a little too tight on him. Meanwhile Cas awkwardly stood by the door fiddling with his fingers, until Dean raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's not like you've never been in my room before, what are you doing?"

"Dean, I don't know if you've noticed but I've no clothes to cha-"

"Who am I getting these clothes out for? My mum? Get in already. You can use my shower if you want and I'll go to Sammy's."

"Dean, there's no need. I'll use the one outside."

"Nah dude, it's cool. Just, here." Dean held out an old, dark pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, smiling at Cas widely. Immediately, Cas found himself smiling back and didn't protest as Dean placed a hand on the small of his back, pushing him towards the bathroom. "Though, I do have a question to ask. You don't mind wearing the same boxers after your shower do you?"

"No Dean," Castiel replied with a small smile, "I don't think our actions will have affected my undergarments." 

As Dean heard Castiel lock the bathroom door in front of him, he couldn't help but shake his head fondly, muttering under his breath, 

"Dude says undergarments."

Not too long after, Dean walked downstairs to find Castiel sitting next to Sam, both of them hunched over one of his maths textbooks. Castiel had a pencil in one hand, another tucked behind his ear, as he tried to explain to Sam why x equalled fifty and no, it wasn't any more complicated than that. Dean wouldn't dare admit it out loud, but the way his family had so openly and willingly accepted Castiel into their lives as if he'd been there all along brought a certain warmth to Dean's heart. Dean tried to remember how he'd felt when Sam had been begrudgingly civil towards Anna per Dean's request, and when his parents were merely polite instead of warm. Although Dean hadn't been happy with his family's responses, he was content that they at least tried. Now with Castiel, Dean wouldn't know what he'd have done if his family hadn't liked him.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang jolting all three of them out of their reverie; Dean started making his way towards the door, telling Sam to get out their "movie blankets" and some paper plates, and pulled out some money. Giving a small smile to the teen who delivered the food, who Dean recognised from school, he walked back into the house and dropped the three large boxes onto the coffee table. 

Sam distributed the food and settled onto the floor, wrapping himself in a blue blanket as he leant his head back on one of Dean's crossed legs. Dean had taken his usual position on the sofa, both legs folded underneath him and resting the folded blanket under his arm as his plate rested on his lap. For a while Cas sat on the other end of the sofa, his own legs tucked underneath him as he nibbled on his slice of pizza, engrossed in the film. It was half way through, when the pizza had been finished and the boxes had piled up on the floor, that Dean leant over and dragged Castiel towards him. The force took Cas by shock and he could only stare wide eyed as he collided into Dean's chest, his legs now sprawled out behind him. 

Dean only winked in reply before turning his gaze back to the film; although Dean wasn't sure as to why he had done this, he felt more comfortable than he had in a long time as Cas finally melted into his side, snatching the blanket away from Dean and throwing it over his torso with a sigh. Subconsciously, Dean found himself playing with the hem of Castiel's shirt - or rather, his shirt that Castiel happened to be wearing. The warmth that settled in his heart surprised him as Dean's attention wavered from the movie and instead focused on what Castiel would look like in some of his other clothes. Castiel shuddered as the pads of Dean's fingers grazed his hip, before tiredly mumbling something into Dean's shoulder. 

Dean bent his head down and nudged Castiel's forehead with his nose, earning him a small smile from the older teen. It was then that Dean caught the faint smell of his shampoo in Castiel's hair; he leaned closer, almost nuzzling into Castiel as he breathed in more. Yes, that was definitely his shampoo, but there was still a scent so distinctly Cas that it made the smell much more appealing.

It was a few hours later, when the large clock in the kitchen read ten at night that Castiel hurried to get home or he would walk halfway across the city if he had to. It was the seriousness with which he said this that stopped both Sam and Dean from doubting him, and though Sam tried to convince Cas to sleep over, Castiel waved him away with the promise that he would ‘next time’. What Castiel and Dean hadn’t expected was for Sam to rush forward and wrap his arms around Cas’s waist tightly as they were walking out the door, with a small knowing smile on his face that neither Castiel nor Dean understood.


	3. Chapter 3

From the moment Dean met Castiel, his life changed for the better - and he knew it. Despite Castiel’s unhealthy addiction to pot and Dean’s slow realisation that his relationship with Anna was rapidly deteriorating, something he could no longer care less about, Dean felt a lightness in his heart that he hadn’t for the past year or so. His grades had picked up and he was still finding himself with lot of free time, which meant he was able to catch up with Sam and be around for more of his brother’s debating and chess competitions while also hanging out more frequently with Castiel.

As much as Dean genuinely loved the time he spent with Castiel, there was also the added benefit of Castiel being ostensibly more sober the more often he was around.

The first time Dean talked to Castiel while he was sober was two weeks after they first met – he had been walking down the corridor with Balthazar discussing tactics they could improve on or introduce to the team, when they both caught sight of Gabriel smiling softly up at Castiel. To see Gabriel smiling like that was very rare and Balthazar himself had only seen Gabriel wear that smile in private. Balthazar and Dean had shared a quick glance at each other before hesitantly walking up behind Castiel, nodding as Gabriel noticed them and waved them forward. 

“Look Cassie, it’s lover boy!” Gabriel shouted, his infamous grin returning, as he draped an arm over Castiel’s shoulder and turned the blue-eyed teen around. 

“Gabriel, I don’t have a-“ Castiel stopped as he caught sight of Dean, his eyes going wide before he fumbled for something to say. Dean shot Castiel a small grin but when Castiel didn’t return it, giving a much softer and gentler smile instead of his usual smirk. Dean raised an eyebrow questioningly. 

“Why, Cassie!” Balthazar shouted, forcing both Castiel and Dean to stop staring at each other and turn to look at him instead. “You truly are sober. I didn’t have the heart to believe Gabriel when he called me earlier; why, this is truly a sight for sore eyes.” 

Dean was only just able to see the glare Castiel shot Balthazar before Balthazar, with a large smile, wrapped his arms around his younger cousin and squeezed Castiel. Gabriel followed by abruptly jumping both Castiel and his brother and sent the three of them crashing into the wall of the hallway, causing several onlookers to stare at them, somewhat baffled before shrugging it off as usual behaviour.

Dean had known logically that Castiel couldn’t be permanently stoned, but he had not seen any proof to support this. As the day progressed, Dean noticed the little differences between the two sides of Castiel. Instead of smirking at everything like he did when he was high, Castiel would send a small smile in people’s direction. He would stay quiet in most lessons instead of criticising people he deemed ‘stupid’, later contemplating why people would give such stupid suggestions. 

“I understand that they’re opinions, Dean. But they’re still wrong.” 

Dean also realised that Castiel still had his dry sense of humour, but instead of sarcastically drawling his remarks, he would say them formally and stoically, only cracking a smile when he turned around to see Dean laughing uncontrollably behind him. Although he loved Castiel when he was stoned, he realised he loved Castiel when he was sober even more. 

Therefore, to say that life had improved greatly for both Castiel and Dean since they’d met each other was no understatement. Dean allowed himself a moment to be grateful for this as he ran down the school corridor, beaming widely as he passed several teachers who congratulated him on the way. 

He had been looking intently for Cas for the past fifteen minutes; he hadn’t seen the teen all day and was desperate to tell Cas about the baseball team’s win last night. Finally, after his chemistry teacher raised an eyebrow and pointed in the direction of the courtyard with a knowing twinkle in her eye, Dean had rushed outside with.

Dean had just been about to shout Castiel’s name when Dean spotted him, walking towards the car park with his head down and his brown satchel (“it’s a purse, Cas.” “No Dean, it’s a satchel”) dragging on the floor behind him. 

“Cas, man, wait up!” Dean ran forward and started shouting more insistently when Castiel picked up his pace. Dean was thankful that Castiel didn’t start running; it was known among Castiel’s closer circle of friends that he could run faster than anyone they knew. One minute he’d be next to you and then, suddenly, he’d be halfway across the world. It took a few more seconds before Dean was able to reach out just enough to grasp the fabric of Castiel’s baggy sweater; it didn’t go unnoticed how Castiel’s shoulders seemed to be hunched somewhat defensively, or that he had wrapped his arms around his torso as if he were protecting himself. 

“Dude, what was that?” There was a long pause before Castiel answered, somewhat breathlessly. 

“What was what, Dean?”

“It was like you were trying to run away from me or something, man.” 

“Well yes, that was kind of the point.” 

Dean flinched, his hand dropping from Castiel’s back as if it had been burned. Dean almost allowed himself to smile ruefully at how his previous gratitude had come back to bite him in the ass. It was typical that when things seemed to be going all right, he’d mess up again.

“Oh…I guess I’ll leave you to it then,” Dean smiled, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray him, and turned around. 

Dean didn’t do this; he didn’t do chick flick moments and he didn’t put his heart or trust out on the line. To say Cas’s words, as simple as they were, hadn’t cut through him would be a lie. He hated to admit it but during the past one and a half months, Cas had become closer than a friend and, in some ways, closer than family. For someone who avoided taking things to heart, Dean was fairly sentimental and though the smarter part of his brain told him he was overreacting, and that Cas, having been consistently sober for the past week, was suffering from withdrawal, Dean couldn’t help but feel suddenly tired and weary.

“Dean,” 

“Nah, it’s alright Cas. Seriously, it’s cool.”

“Dean,” 

Cas’s voice was more commanding now, his tone firm as he called for Dean and louder than it had been a few moments ago. Dean wouldn’t be surprised if the sudden press of his shirt against his back was due to Cas’s breath instead of the slight breeze; the guy always did have a problem with personal space. 

Dean heard Castiel sigh exasperatedly. 

“Would you just turn around? Humour me for a minute.” 

Dean wasn’t one to be pushed around but this was Castiel, and though Castiel wasn’t Sam or Mary, Dean would do anything for Cas regardless of how simple the request was. So when Dean complied, and turned around with a drawn expression, he did not expect to see one of Castiel’s eyes surrounded by a reddish-blue ring, and a small but deep cut along the like of his cheekbone. 

“What the fuck?” Dean shouted, the sadness he’d felt only moments ago replaced by fury. Castiel, who was standing so close to Dean that their noses might as well have been touching, flinched at the volume of Dean’s voice, sending a small glare to the taller teen. Other students that were walking by saw Dean’s face and ducked their heads, their legs moving faster as they tried to escape Dean’s anger. 

A few years ago Dean had beaten up a guy who’d slapped and spat at his girlfriend in the middle of the cafeteria. Dean had been a sophomore at the time and new to the baseball team, but after the fight against a senior earned him both respect and fear. Although he was stopped before it got out of control, no one failed to notice how teachers hesitated to stop him as Dean had thrown his first few punches. 

Only a week had passed since Castiel and Sam’s confrontation with Gordon and again, this did not go unnoticed by the student body. It was for the sake of their own safety that most chose not to bring the topic up, out of fear that Gordon would come after them instead. It was an open secret that many thought that Gordon was to attack Dean Winchester’s kid brother.

“I’m standing right here, there’s no need to be so loud.” Castiel answered, grimacing as blood trickled from the cut on his face. Without thinking, Dean raised his hand to Castiel’s cheek and applied a little pressure to it, not caring that blood was currently covering the tips of his fingers. 

“Who did this to you? It was Gordon wasn’t it? I’m going to beat the fucking shit out of that bastard.”

“I honestly don’t think you could add any more profanities into that sentence.” Dean could barely smile, as his eyes seemed to grow darker with anger. “Don’t, Dean.”

“What do you mean ‘‘don’t’’? They can’t get away with shit like this.” Dean paused once more, his breath coming out ragged as he brought his other palm up to rest against healthy side of Cas’s face, Dean’s thumb rubbing small circle under Castiel’s ear. “Fuck.” 

“Don’t-“

“Cas I-“

“Just don’t go.” 

“Don’t start with me-“

“Balthazar and Gabe are sorting it out. Leave it be.”

“I’m not leaving it be, Cas! They need to get their asses kicked!” 

“They will. But Gabriel and Balthazar will do it much more subtly than you.” 

“That still doe-“

“Shut up, Dean.”

“Cas,”

“Shut up.”

“Why won’t you let me do anything, man?” Dean pressed, his thumb stopping its circular motion as his hand dropped to Castiel’s shoulder. He wiped his other hand that was tinged red with Castiel’s blood against his jeans, looking down as he did so before meeting Castiel’s blue gaze with large eyes. 

When Dean had promised to care for and look out for Cas, he had meant it. At that point in time he hadn’t known how much Cas would mean to him, and how much he would grow to love Cas, but it was still a promise. It was one that Dean fully intended to keep. Although Castiel was unaware of this, it still left Dean feeling unsettled at the fact he was being restrained from what he did best – protecting the people he loved. 

“You can take me home-“

“But Gordon-“

“And tend to my wounds.” 

There was a pause and Castiel looked hopefully up at Dean, shrugging his shoulders slightly before his eyes flinched in pain. Dean knew that Castiel had won the argument but stared defiantly down at him anyway, letting Cas know that although he wasn’t happy at all with the situation, he was relieved that he was able to help. 

Finally and somewhat reluctantly, Dean stepped back from Castiel as Cas adjusted the bag on his shoulder, bringing his eyes up to meet Dean’s before he smiled reassuringly. Dean shook his head fondly, ruffling Cas’s hair as he walked past and turning slightly to make sure that Castiel followed him.

“Let’s go and ‘tend to your wounds’ then.” Dean said jokingly, grinning at Castiel over the hood of the Impala. 

“Well I thought you would love the experience and I, always willing to help, am offering myself up to you. As a doctor-to-be I thought you would appreciate the opportunity.” 

“Smartass,” Dean muttered as he started the engine and only grinned in return when Castiel punched his arm.

\----

Dean gently dabbed the area around Cas’s cut with a septic wipe, grimacing as the small part that had begun to heal itself opened once more under the pressure and left Cas wincing. To say Dean wasn’t impressed by Castiel’s lack of response would have been false; even Dean, who considered himself to have a high pain threshold, knew that if he were in the same position in Cas he would be protesting at least a little. Castiel was sat on top of the kitchen counter, his head resting back against one of the cupboards as Dean stood between his legs, his hands working skilfully as they cleaned up Cas’s wounds.

“I really think we should take you to hospital to get this stitched, Cas.” Dean muttered, his breath tickling Castiel’s neck as Dean leaned slightly closer. 

“I don’t think that will be necessary. Though, if you have any medicine to reduce the pain in my stomach, that would be very useful.” 

“I think we ha- wait. What? Your stomach?" There was a pause, and then, "Cas, take your off your shirt.”

“Dean-“

“Cas, just take it off already.”

"In any other circumstances, I would feel flattered at your enthusiasm to remove my clothing,”

Dean stepped back slightly, barely giving Cas enough space to move, and helped him take of his top. When Dean took in a sharp breath as if he’d just been slapped, and made no indication that he would come closer, Cas dropped his head guiltily. Eyes barely registering how much darker the bruises on his stomach had become; instead his mind was focused on Dean. 

After a few moments and still no response from Dean, Cas lifted both his arms and began to wrap them around his torso, turning his head to the side and flinching when he pressed a little too hard against his stomach. In an instant, Dean rushed forward once again, this time leaving no space between them, and removed Cas’s hands. Instead Dean brought his own arms up and wrapped them around Cas’s waist, burying his head into the older teen’s shoulder. 

Although Dean was worried more about Castiel’s safety than his own actions, as he breathed in the smell of coffee, aftershave and something distinctly Cas, he realised that he’d never been so forward with anyone apart from Sam. And in that moment, as his fingers traced patterns down Cas’s spine and he felt Cas lean into his touch, hands gripping Dean’s waist slowly but surely, Dean fell like never before. 

It should have scared him, how easily he was giving himself up - but it didn’t. Because it was Cas he was destroying himself for and it was because of Cas that Dean was breaking every promise he’d made to himself. Dean didn't let people in, he didn't get close to people because chances were, they would leave him in the end. Dean knew it would hurt more than anything if Cas let him down, yet he was was willing to take that risk and realised that he would take Castiel back in an instant given the oppurtunity. It felt weird for Dean, to open himself up so readily to someone who was practically a stranger, but Dean felt as if he'd known Castiel for years.

They acted so naturally around each other, barely needing to speak in order to communicate. With one glance, Castiel would be able to tell how Dean felt and in turn, Dean was able to read Castiel so easily it even baffled Balthazar and Gabriel. It hadn't been anything special at first as Castiel always spoke his mind when he was stoned. Howeveras the days where Castiel would get high decreassed, students found him difficult more to read and were amazed at how quickly Dean would know whether Cas was sad, tired, happy, content, irritated or hurt.

It was in those moments, however, that Dean was someone to be feared of. Hurting Dean was one thing, he would let it pass, however hurting those Dean held close to his heart was something entirely different. Dean was almost relieved that Castiel had dragged him away from school so that he could clean Castiel's cuts, otherwise Dean was almost certain he would have raised hell. 

With a sigh, Dean titled his head so that his nose grazed Castiel’s neck; his green eyes focused on Cas’s pale skin. Castiel tried to arch his back further, so that he could bring his head to meet Dean’s gaze, but instead Dean lifted his face up to save him from hurting himself by moving too much. 

“Jesus Christ. You’re an idiot, you know that Cas?” Dean breathed finally, noticing when Cas shivered as he felt Dean's breath on his skin. 

“I think…” Cas replied, subconsciously inching closer to Dean’s warmth, “that you love me anyway.”

“I guess I do.”


	4. Chapter 4

Anna wasn’t a bad person, in fact she was far from it, but when she saw Castiel aimlessly walking across the street her mind screamed at him. Willed him to go away and never come back. As fate would have it, Dean also saw Castiel and let go of Anna’s hand immediately with a small wink, running across the town square until he reached his best friend. Anna saw Castiel stumble forwards as Dean jumped on his back and when Castiel turned around, Anna could only stare wide-eyed at the complete look of happiness on Castiel’s face.

She had seen Castiel smile when he’d been stoned, or when he’d been with Dean in general. The look on his face now, however, was something she’d never seen before - it made Anna realise how truly insignificant she had become to Dean. It didn’t take a genius to know that the look, that Anna was convinced was something close to one of love, was mirrored on Dean’s face too.

Taking her final few steps forward until she reached the pair, Anna smiled up at both the teens and kept her hands by her side, where she would have reached out to grasp Dean’s before.

“Hello, Castiel.”

“Anna, how are you?” 

He replied with a smile, nodding at her faintly.

“Fine, thank you, and you?”

“I’m quite well. From the looks of things, you’ve been out for quite a while.” Castiel raised an eyebrow at the several shopping bags in Dean’s hands, “Dean, I’m almost certain that you’re meant to be spoiling Anna. Not buying things for your own pleasure…at least not from ‘Victoria’s Secret’.”

Despite her knee-jerk reaction to hate Castiel, she couldn’t bring herself to frown his way and instead chuckled as Dean spluttered behind her.

“Shut up, man,” Dean replied with a grin, “I’m being chivalrous.” 

“Big words, Winchester. I’m impressed.”

“Fuck you, Cas. And you-” Dean added, raising an accusing finger at Anna, “are a traitor for taking his side.” 

The three of them began to walk in the general direction of a park situated at the left side of the square. Anna couldn’t help but think that this was somehow pleasant, but she realised with a slightly heavy heart that Dean and Castiel seemed to be engrossed in their own conversation. Though they tried to include her, their eyes kept meeting each other’s above her head and Anna was sure they were having their own private conversation. 

It was the way they edged closer to each other even when she was in between them, and then how they fell out of step with her just so they could walk behind. For the longest time none of them said a word, but Anna knew by the way she heard one of them chuckle faintly, or the other cough to cover up a laugh, that they were off in their own little world. 

Suddenly she couldn’t take it. She couldn’t take standing in front of these two oblivious males when they still had so much to learn about each other – so much they wanted to learn. She couldn’t take feeling as if he had a right to Dean when she obviously didn’t. Dean had been gone the moment he walked into his English classroom and saw Castiel draped over his seat. 

Anna finally understood that the pain she felt at that moment wasn’t for her broken relationship with Dean, but was for the fact that she was going to give him up to someone that she knew was better for him - perfect for him, in fact. She was going to give Dean up to someone and she didn’t even know if the both of them would realise their love for each other before it was too late. If they did, she’d be the first to congratulate them and if they didn’t, if the two idiots let each other go, Anna would cry. And she wouldn’t know whether it was because she gave Dean up for nothing, or because she’d seen the strongest love go untouched.

“You know what, babe?” Anna said, turning around and holding her hands out to stop both Dean and Castiel from stumbling into her, “I think I’m going to head out and catch up with the girls.”

“Wha- Why? I thought we were on a date-“

“You two were out on a date? Oh I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t mean to int-“

“Guys, seriously, it’s fine. You two spend some time together and I-“

“I thought that we came out today because we weren’t spending enough time with each other?” The look of pure confusion on Dean’s face made Anna pity him; she wouldn’t dare mention that they hadn’t been spending time together because of Cas. 

“Seriously Dean, it’s fine. We’ll have a talk later tonight, okay? You have fun with Cas, I’ll take the shopping, catch a cab, and we’ll meet up later.” Anna moved forward, taking her bags from Dean’s limp hands with a reassuring smile. Instead of kissing him, as she would have normally done, she brought a hand up to his cheek instead and grazed her fingers down to his chin. 

“Bye Anna,” Dean finally whispered as realisation grew in his eyes. He made a move to take her hand in both of his but she shook her head faintly, smiling once more. She knew she’d made the right choice.

“See you later, Dean.” 

Anna walked between them, allowing her hand to graze Dean’s once more before she picked up her pace. She felt the sting of tears and it was only seconds later that two unfamiliar arms wrapped themselves around her waist; at first she panicked but when she jerked her head around and saw a tuft of dark hair, her body relaxed even as a small sob escaped her lips.

She barely knew Castiel, and yet the way Dean constantly talked about him made it feel as if she knew him like the back of her hand. So when he placed a soft kiss on her temple, muttering an “I’m sorry” followed by a “thank you” before stepping back, Anna could only grant him her brightest smile. 

She hit him lightly on the chest, telling Castiel that he’d better figure it out before she decided to come back to fight for her man. Then, taking one of his hands, she squeezed it gently and wished him luck. 

As Anna walked away from them for the last time, she felt calmer than she had in weeks.

\----

“Anna-“

“Dean, calm down.”

“No, we need to-“

“Shut up.”

“Bu-“

“Just open your damn door already, it’s freezing out here.”

Her phone had barely left her ear before Dean pulled the door open, staring at her with wide eyes and a frown on his face. Shaking his head as if emerging from some reverie, Dean moved to the side and reached forward to pull Anna into the house. Instead, she stood her ground and crossed her arms. With her hand she gestured to Dean’s jacket hanging on the coat stand by the stairs before silently motioning to his car. Immediately, Dean stumbled back into the house to retrieve his coat, shout a quick goodbye to his family and grab the keys off of the small phone table by the door. 

The ride to Anna’s favourite Italian restaurant was silent, save for the soft music flowing from the speakers. Unlike Dean’s usual 80’s rock, Anna identified it as a famous piano piece from an up-and-coming modern instrumentalist. It was with a small smile and a fond shake of her head that she realised that Cas must have been behind it, and that Dean would have played it in his car without complaint. 

It was after they ordered their food, chicken pasta for Dean and a pasta-prawn salad for her, that she finally put her phone down and looked at Dean. He had been toying with his napkin, and though his expression was worried, his eyes were fond, as though he was recalling a memory.

“How was your date with Cas?” Anna finally broke the silence, smiling encouragingly as Dean warily looked at her.

“He was- it was awesome, Anna. I’m so-“

“Don’t. What did you guys get up to?” Realising he would get nothing else out of her, Dean told Anna what Cas and him had done after she’d left. 

Dean told her that they’d sat in the park for an hour or two, just talking. 

“God knows if I remember about what, Ann, but it was…great.” 

He then continued telling her how they’d gone to get a bite to eat and ended up sharing because the burger they bought was so big that neither of them were prepared to have their own. Dean then described how they’d spoke about Christmas and talked about how they’d spend it. Apparently the two of them had stood outside the same store for almost an hour arguing about which colour represented Christmas more: red or white. They’d been chased away by the store manager for “looking suspicious” after they'd childishly begun to stick their tongues out at each other, and run around the shop playing with toy guns. 

Anna saw how Dean’s eyes grew brighter the longer he talked about Cas, how his expression grew lighter and his hands grew more animated. For a single moment, she allowed herself to envy Castiel. Castiel, who had come so quickly and swiftly into their lives, turning it upside down; he’d taken away the Dean she loved and replaced him with someone completely different and, she begrudgingly admitted, someone better.

“Babe, it was honestly the funniest thing I-Ann?” Dean stopped, holding his fork by his lips before he placed it down, leaning over the table and to wipe the tears she hadn’t known had been falling away. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” She quickly raised her hand to rub her eyes, forcing out a small, embarrassed laugh. Dean was immediately out of his chair and next to her, pressing her into his side and placing kisses in her hair, fingers gently playing with her red locks. 

“Anna, please babe, tell me what’s wrong.” Dean pleaded, bringing his fingers under her chin and tilting it up to meet his gaze. Reluctant and defeated, she shuffled away from Dean so she could sit to face him, turning around in her chair so that their knees brushed. 

“You’re wonderful, Dean, you really a-“

“No. We’re no-“

“Dean, we have to.” Anna begged him, both of her hands coming up to clasp his and placing them on her knees. 

“Ann…”

“Dean, you’re wonderful. You treat me like a queen and you never do anything wrong to me, never even look anyone else’s way or care when your friends tease you for going out with the quiet, nerdy girl. You come to my defence even over the silliest things and give me as much space as I need. I know there was a time when your ‘I love you’ s were real, but you’ve pulled back, Dean. And it’s okay babe, it’s okay because it had to happen. 

I’m used to you Dean, I’m used to you and I know we could have been perfect if we’d gone on pretending, but things haven’t been fine for a while now and we’re…we’re not what we used to be.”

“Anna come on, don’t be stupid. We’re just growing up, we’re stressed about college– you don’t have to do this.”

“You know I do. We both know I have to because we’re being unfair to all those people who are becoming more important to us than we are to each other.”

“Babe, if you think I’m being unfaith-“

“Dammit Dean!” Anna raised her voice, letting go of Dean’s hand and cupping his face so that he was looking straight at her. She needed him to understand.

“You treat me like a queen because you treat every girl like a queen. You made me feel special and I’m sure if you’d chosen someone else, you’d make him or her feel special too. But look at us Dean, we’re becoming the cliché we talked about hating so much! What? Dating each other since high school and lasting through college until one night you propose in our hometown and we live here for the rest of our lives? White-picket fence and all? 

Dean, I want to travel. I want to explore. I want to find someone who’ll fight with me and make me cry because I want something a little more perfect than what we have. I want to live and die in hundreds of places and I want to get away. 

What I don’t want is to be tied down with the perfect boy from my hometown and my first love. What I don’t want is to live each day knowing that we could’ve had this conversation and didn’t. What I don’t want, Dean, is for you and I to hate each other when we get older; me because you’d still be perfect and you because I took you away from him.”

“Him? Anna, what are you on about?” 

“You know who I mean, Dean. You know who I’m talking about.” 

Anna waited until she saw Dean register what she was saying, saw the look in his eyes that told her he finally got what she was talking about. She saw in that instant how Dean blamed himself for this and nudged his chin so that he would look at her once more.

“It is not your fault, Dean Winchester. From the moment you walked out of English a week after you’d gotten to know him, I knew you’d been saved from the hell we’d been creating. I hated for a while but, you know how it is with Castiel, you can’t hate him for too long. Stoned or sober, he’s the kind of perfect you need.”

“Anna, you’ve got to know that nothing went on between us.”

“Oh darling,” Anna almost cried, bringing her lips to his forehead. “Nothing ever went on physically, I know that, but you’re so far gone for each other that you can’t even see it.”

Dean kissed her then, bringing his hand forward to cup her chin gently. This was so familiar to both of them, and to let it all go hurt more than either of them had realised it would, though they both knew this confrontation had been coming for a long time. “Sorry” was muttered over and over again as one kiss turned into several, until finally their mouths rested a breath away from each other’s and they knew it was over. 

“How long have you known?” Anna asked, the one last thing she would ask Dean as his girlfriend. 

“I don’t- Anna I can’t,” 

“Dean, please.”

“I don’t know, I really don’t. I just, I know I could love him Anna, I really could. And I’m scared that maybe I will.”

“I did not give you up for a mistake Dean, nor did I give you up for someone random. I gave you up to him because I know that everything about that - the two of you, is right.”

Anna's words were final, her meaning set. When she walked out of the restaurant half an hour later, she placed a bittersweet kiss on Dean's forehead. Anna knew had others been in her place they would have fought harder for Dean, ignored Dean's obvious adoration for Castiel and placed the relationship in the boundaries of a platonic love. However she was smarter than most, she knew that, and being a hopeless romantic herself she would not take such a pure love away from two people she knew deserved it. A fool would be able to see just how broken Castiel was, and the fact that Dean was fixing him without knowing it, was something truly beautiful to watch. In his own ways, Anna knew Dean was somewhat broken too - pressure from his father to be part of the family business, the continuous reminder that he wasn't the smarter brother, the responsibility of raising Sam because his parents hadn't wanted to see them fight during the earlier years of Sam's life. There was also the weight Dean felt of being the better role model, and doing the best he could academically because Sam needed to know he could achieve the same things.

Truthfully, Anna realised, as painful as letting Dean go was, she was thankful to Cas because he was making Dean happy. Happier than Dean had been in years. She had long ago understood that her and Dean would fit well togethe, and that they would be able to make a life together if they'd wanted. However they would have grown to hate each other in the end, say things they didn't mean just so they had a reason to be angry, but put on a pretence of happiness for everyone else. She hadn't lied when she said she didn't want that; if she could stay with Dean a little longer, she would. But then she would be delaying the inevitable between Cas and Dean, and delaying her own future too.

She wasn't happy that she'd given Dean up, and she was upset that it had happened this way. But she could tell, as could anyone, that Dean and Castiel were made for each other in a way two people never had before. They managed to fill the spaces in each other's lives in the same way that they filled the gaps between their fingers. The ease with which they touched each other so intimately, and the way they seemed to naturally fit together was something so beautiful and raw, that only a cruel man would take it away from them. With a shake of her head and a silent prayer into the sky, Anna hailed a cab home and hoped that she would find someone as wonderful as Dean. Except, she hoped, this time someone they would be _in_ love with her.

Dean remained at the restaraunt until they were ushering him out so they could finish closing up. So many times had he seen people walk out on his life, claiming it was for his betterment, and so many times he had waited for it to come. Something about Anna's sacrifice, however, made Dean look into the future somewhat hopefully knowing that whatever sacrifice was made for Cas, was a sacrifice worth making. 


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel hadn’t seen Dean for the past two weeks. 

They were now in the second week of October and parties were starting everywhere in anticipation of Halloween. Castiel had received many offers from most students in his year, encouraging him to join the party scene once again. At first he had been reluctant, having been successfully sober for a considerable amount of time and feeling better than he had in months. Dean’s prolonged absence, however, dragged Castiel further back until he was almost suffering from withdrawal – whether this was due to his lack of pot or Dean, Castiel wasn’t sure. Though he had a feeling the cause for his distress was most likely the latter reason. 

It was certainly why he found himself leaning over the edge of a balcony, looking over the Lawrence skyline, as smoke swirled around his head. His thoughts deafened him to the point where he could no longer think, so he resorted to humming lyrics to songs he didn’t know under his breath, wondering how far he had to fall before he finally realised how foolish he was.  
Out of all the people he could have put his faith into, he had to choose Dean Winchester. Dean Goddamn Winchester. Dean was one of the closest friends he had and the only person who didn’t walk on eggshells around him when Castiel had been coming down from his high; Dean had been the one to talk to him about God and His supposed absence, despite Castiel being stoned out of his mind, and had quoted Vonnegut and other famous authors when Castiel was feeling excessively philosophical but was too lost to find the words he’d needed. 

Dean Goddamn Winchester; the man who had saved Castiel and fought for him, only to let Castiel fall further than he ever had before. And, Castiel supposed, the irony of all of this was that he would let Dean abuse him as much as he wanted, if it meant Castiel could spend a few more moments as his friend again. 

“…fucking hopeless,” Castiel finally muttered to himself, throwing the small roll of paper onto the ground below before raking a hand through his hair. 

“Why Clarence,” a voice drawled from behind him. Castiel turned to see Meg Masters leaning on the doorframe, a red cup in her hand while another rested on her hip. “Moping shouldn’t be this attractive.” 

At first Castiel had been warned about her, many students shaming her as heartless. However when Castiel had arrived in Lawrence, it had been Meg who smoked with him and then taken him home carefully. She had stumbled into school with him after parties they’d attended together and pushed a small bag of lunch in his hands with a threat that if he mentioned it, she would kill him. She had been the first one to help Castiel, and though they acted as if they didn’t know each other, there was mutual respect and understanding between them. 

“Megan,” Castiel smirked in reply, his grin widening at the small glare she sent him.

“I see you’ve been avoiding the party since you came here.” 

“I came here for the crack. Turns out, it wasn’t worth it – your pot is shit.” 

“Don’t look at me darling, its Andy’s. Current resident stoner of the school since you retired.” 

The two of them stayed in a companionable silence for a while, standing side by side as they looked up at the dark sky. 

“I’m not, you know.” 

“Not what, Castiel?” 

“Moping. And if I am, I don’t think I know what for.” 

Castiel didn’t know how it happened but one minute Meg had been standing beside him and then the next, her hands were clasped behind his neck and she was pushing him back against the wall. As he’d gasped in shock, she’d taken the opportunity to bite on his lower lip, hard enough to leave a small cut. It only took a few seconds before Castiel was kissing her back, tangling his hands in her hair before he realised how wrong it felt.

The sensation of Meg pressed up against him, anyone pressed up against him who didn’t have tan skin and broad shoulders, felt wrong. 

It was Meg who pulled back first; she raised her hand to gently stroke his cheek with a certain fondness. There was a glint in her eyes that made Castiel feel as if she knew something he didn’t, and it was a feeling he hated. Castiel tried to grin at her, tried to form a lazy smile to drive the moment away, but the high he had felt before her lips touched his had abruptly disappeared. 

“That’s why you’re moping, Clarence.” Meg then added, chewing on her lip as she contemplated the ruffled teen in front of her. “Because I’m not him.” 

Castiel didn’t need to guess who she was talking about. He finally understood the lightness he felt around Dean, and why he began to crave Dean’s laugh more than he did drugs. Castiel was, admittedly, slightly bitter towards Dean as he realised how dependent he had become on the younger male. Dean with his desire to help people; who had been so excited and bright eyed when he’d spoken about his passions that Castiel thought that it might be possible for him to end up being equally passionate about the same things. 

“It’s too soon, Meg. It’s only been two months.” 

“It’s longer than most people.” 

“We don’t talk anymore.”

 

“You two haven’t even tried!” She cried exasperatedly, throwing her hands up in frustration before smacking Castiel on the shoulder. “Both of you are idiots and the only reason I knew what you were doing up here is because he’s downstairs, doing the exact same thing!” 

Castiel looked up at her then, his blue eyes growing wide.

“Dean’s smoking pot?” This caused Meg to scream, aggravated, before hitting him continuously along his chest. Castiel felt a small bubble of laughter escape his lips as he saw Meg try to hide her own, soft smile. 

“No. You. Dumbass.” She emphasised each word with an accompanying smack. “He’s moping! For you!” 

“Oh…” With a soft sigh, Meg let her hands fall to her sides and looked at Castiel with understanding eyes. 

“I’m a damn good kisser, Clarence, and you aren’t so bad yourself. We’d make an awesome couple – but I’m not him and you’re not going to ignore that.” 

“Who would have thought,” Castiel murmured, “Meg Masters has a heart.” 

With a small, defeated chuckle, Meg dragged Castiel inside to avoid the chill of the cold air, and sat him down on the bed. Placing a small kiss to his forehead, she walked towards the door and paused, looking behind her to see that Castiel had fallen back onto the sheets with his legs dangling off the edge. Meg pitied him, wondering how someone could look so hopeful and so lost at the same time. 

Shutting the door behind her, Meg waited until she reached the bottom of the stairs before she plastered her usual grin on her face. Her eyes scanned the crowd for Dean, and when she saw the same expression on his face that she’d seen on Castiel’s, she knew that what she would do next would be worth the regret she suffered for letting Castiel go.

\----

“I broke up with Anna,” Dean murmured, after standing by the door for several minutes. Castiel finally looked at him then, a joint twirling between his fingers and his eyes revealing hurt and anger. The way Castiel was now was markedly different from how he had normally been when he was stoned; instead of smiles there were glares. Instead of philosophy, there were accusations. 

“So you decide to avoid me? That’s- that’s cool.” 

“Cas, it wasn’t like that. I needed time to think.”

“Ah, time to think. Yes, time like that is very much needed and very valuable. Say, Dean, did you think that maybe I could’ve used a little help from my best friend? Or did you not have the time in these past few weeks?” 

“Don’t start with me. You’re not fucking sober enough to have this conversation.” Dean turned around to walk out of the door, before Castiel’s sharp voice stopped him.

“So what, you suddenly can’t talk to me because I’m stoned? Or do you just want an excuse to walk out on me completely? Damn, Winchester, I assumed you’d be a loyal friend – even when people turned their back on you. What is it that makes me so different – I mean, why am I so easy to throw away?” 

“Cas, come on-“ Dean’s voice was soft now, the truth in Castiel’s words reminding him just how much they knew about each other without having talked about these things. Although he tried to ignore it, Dean felt guilty, knowing that he’d been the one to pull Castiel out of his high, only to let Castiel fall back into old habits. 

Dean felt worse because out of all people he disappointed, it had been Cas.

“You know, my dad did the same thing.” Dean jerked, turning more fully to study Cas’ face, only to see it turn away. Castiel had briefly talked about growing up with Gabriel and Balthazar before he’d moved away, but he never mentioned his father, and Dean had never asked. 

Cautiously, Dean took several steps forward until he was sitting on the corner of the bed, his back turned to the door as he crossed one long leg underneath him. 

“He found out I liked guys more than girls, and kicked me out onto the curb. If Gabe hadn’t been in the area that weekend, I wouldn’t have known how to contact him.” Castiel chuckled then, rolling his eyes when Dean tried to open his mouth to say something. Lifting his right hand up, Castiel let the small piece of paper roll onto the wooden floor underneath the bed before he closed his eyes. His hand fell limply onto his forehead then, his palm facing the ceiling. 

“Michael died three years ago, we were never close but we were always there for each other. It was no secret among the family that he was the favourite son. When some bastard ran him over, Dad lost it. Ran away and hardly ever came back to visit me, even when I was still stuck in hospital. 

So really, it was sod’s law that he decided to show up that weekend. I mean I figured he wouldn’t be around that night, but as luck would have it, he was. Crowley got me drunk, out of my mind, and then took me home. Figured he was being chivalrous. But then Crowley tried to fuck me. Pushed me into the wall and wouldn’t stop touching me. Took my shirt off, my pants, nearly managed to get my boxers off too. And I was just so out of it, you know? I was completely limp. 

First and last time my dad’s ever saved me from anything. Ran into the bedroom and threatened Crowley with a bat. A fucking big bat.” 

Cas’s voice was borderline hysterical, and Dean had no idea what to do or say. This was his best friend. His…he was Castiel: the guy who’d saved him and whom Dean had saved in return. 

“Two days later he came home drunk, calling me “fag” and a “bastard”. Told me to get out of “his goddamn house” and never come back. Told me exactly what he thought of me and didn’t stop talking for a full hour. 

Do you know, as much as I hated what he said, I loved that hour. It was the most I’d ever heard him speak to me in five years. That’s why I smoke, Dean, because even though ‘it’s hard to adapt to chaos; it can be done. I am living proof of that: it can be done’. If only to escape this mad world for a little while”

“Cas…” Dean finally said, not wanting to hear Castiel talk any longer. Dean didn’t want to know how badly his ex had treated him; he didn’t want to hear how worthless Castiel felt. How could anyone treat Cas like that? To Dean it seemed impossible, and his heart ached to make things right.

“Don’t,” Castiel’s voice replied hollowly, “just fucking don’t.” 

Castiel tried to clench his eyes shut, to erase the images he could see as clear as day. He swallowed hard as tears threatened to spill from his eyes, and like a prayer he silently swore at his father and everyone back in his hometown. He asked Michael for the hundredth time in the past year, as Castiel clenched his fists shut, why he’d been so selfish to die and leave Castiel alone. His throat was dry and his body shuddered in disgust, both at his father and at himself. 

He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped from his lips as he realised just how hopeless he really was. He’d just bared his own soul for Dean, bared his heart completely, and he was now desperate to run away. Dean, as caring and kind as he was, abhorred moments like these. 

Castiel breathed deeply for a few moments before he noticed that the bed seemed to shift; before he could open his eyes a hand was softly uncurling his fingers.

“Goddammit Cas, you can’t go round blaming yourself for shit like that,” Dean muttered, sighing when Castiel wouldn’t open his eyes to look at him. 

“It’s not your job to tell me that, Dean.”

“Yeah but it’s my job to help you through this, man.”

“It’s not your job to do anything,” Castiel insisted, opening his red-rimmed eyes and gazing fiercely at Dean. 

“I’m sorry,” Dean murmured, bringing their clasped hands close to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, over and over again until Castiel was looking at him, eyes dead because of an absent father and a dead brother, an unspoken of mother and an untouched love. 

Castiel took a shuddering breath and allowed himself to fall into green eyes once again. Surely, he hoped, surely this couldn’t be friendship. Surely when he’d hugged Anna weeks ago after she’d given Dean up to Castiel, it had been for something more than what he shared with Dean now. 

"Why did Anna break up with you?" Castiel asked, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.

"Cas..."

"I know, I know why she did it. A fool would know. But I need to-"

"Cas, stop."

"I need to hear it from you, Dean." There was a pause as Dean contemplated his words, eyes pleadingly searching Castiel's so that he wouldn't have to say it out loud. Although it had been so long since they'd seen each other, although Dean had been so eager to be next to Cas, he had feared this moment and what it would mean for them. 

"Dean," Castiel begged, shuffling closer as sobriety began to take over. "Please."

"For us, Cas. Anna broke up with me...for us." Castiel's shoulders dropped as he drew his hands away from Dean's, pulling back he ran a hand down in face and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Castiel finally murmured, licking his lips and smiling almost ruefully. "I didn-"

"Stop it. It wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault, Cas." It was the first time Dean had admitted this out loud, and the words made him feel lighter as if the confession helped clear his head. 

"Too many relationships break because of me. Don't tell me these things-"

Dean didn't know whether it was because of the hopelessness in his voice, or the knowledge that Cas had bared his soul to him. He didn't know if it was the relief that Castiel was finally his, or the implication that he felt the same way as Dean. Heck, Dean thought it could even be the way the moon shone directly in through the window and highlighted Castiel's jaw, his lips seemingly redder than Dean had ever seen them. For whatever reason it might haven been, he found himself moving forward until his breath was mingling with Castiel's.

There was a shocked pause before a desperate, almost pained sound wrenched itself from Castiel's mouth as he closed the distance. At first, it was a brief brush of lips, but it is enough to make Cas moan underneath Dean, shuffling forward until their knees touched. Slowly, Dean pressed his lips against Castiel's more firmly, allowing time to linger on the soft skin before pulling back once more.

Hesitantly, Dean brought a hand up to cup Castiel's jaw, realising that the moment was not only real but that would not be forgotten either. When he started to kiss Castiel again, he made sure to graze his teeth along Cas's lips and was more than pleased when this elicited groans from the older teen. Dean soon decided that he loved the sound, and continued to repeat the action for several moments just so Castiel could make it over and over. However Castiel soon grew irritated with the teasing and placed his hands on both sides of Dean's face, pulling Dean closer than before, until their chests were touching and they could feel the heat radiating off of each other's bodies. 

For a moment, Castiel opened his eyes and searched Dean's, asking for permission to continue. Castiel needed to know whether this was true, whether it was real. It had been so long since he'd kissed someone with such tenderness, and it was something he had missed. Yet Castiel also knew that the kisses he shared with Dean, as small as they are, were so much meaningful than any kiss he'd ever had. 

When Dean nodded at him, leaning forward as if the small distance between him and Cas was still too large, Castiel captured Dean's top lip with his mouth, gnawing and pulling at it until Dean was moaning like he was. Cas then moved onto the lower lip, spending time to press his teeth into it and trace his tongue across the swell of Dean's mouth. He did this several times, alternating between both top and bottom lips until they were both breathless. This type of ecstasy, Castiel thought, was something he preferred much more than the type he experienced through smoking pot. 

Dean took the opportunity to lower his head and start kissing the nape of Castiel's neck, hands grasping the backs of Cas's thighs as Castiel moved forward until he was sitting on Dean's lap. They stayed like that for a while, Castiel writhing underneath Dean as he begged for more. Dean trailing his lips over the exposed, pale skin on Castiel's face and neck. Both of them were sure they'd been upstairs for hours now, simply mapping out each other's bodies, breaking all pretence of boundaries they had put up between them. 

For a moment, after they had both parted, Castiel couldn't look Dean in the eye. Instead he tilted his head to the sound, concentrating on the pillows of the bed before he felt two soft fingers press up against his chin, forcing Castiel to turn his face. When Castiel finally looked up, it was to see an emotion in Dean's eyes that took his breath away, much like Dean's kisses. Dean's eyes were wide open and searching, as if he were the one afraid of rejection. Castiel couldn't help but sigh with the irony of it all; it was his heart that was on the line, his hope and future, and yet here Dean was, looking at Cas as if he had all the answers.

"Cas I-"

"Please, I-"

"Listen to me, Cas, please." There was a moment in which Castiel paused, doubtful of what would come next and fearful of the chance Dean would regret what had happened. Without realising it, Castiel had brought two fingers up to Dean's lips, ghosting his swollen mouth with tenderness. When Castiel grew aware of what he was doing, he quickly pulled his hand back with a small blush, ducking his head slightly and looking at Dean through lowered eyes. What he hadn't expected was for Dean to lift Castiel's hand up and, with closed eyes as if he were in a state of bliss, begin to kiss the soft skin of Castiel's finger pads. 

"Dean..."

"Cas. I don't...I don't know what we're doing." 

Dean sounded so helpless, so lost, that Castiel couldn't help but pity him. He moved slightly, so that his lips brushed against Dean's once more, before mumbling into Dean's ear.

"We're making it up as we go."


	6. Chapter 6

Several weeks had now passed since Castiel’s revelation, and it hadn't come as a surprise when Dean and Cas grew more intimate with each other - though many wondered exactly how close two people could get. They thought they were being subtle, but everyone took note of the lingering gazes and the impossible endearing smiles. Everyone caught on to how any physical boundary they had suddenly been broken; Dean was always resting his head on Castiel’s lap when they sat down on the fields, and their fingers were constantly intertwined with each others, if not close together.

People also noted how Dean always seemed to rest his hand protectively between Cas’s shoulder blades when they stood side by side, and how Castiel, in turn, would wrap an arm loosely around Dean’s waist. Dean himself was surprised at how content he felt with such open displays of affection – especially with a guy. It wasn't that Dean was personally against the idea, however he knew certain members of the school were openly homophobic and he was still waiting for them to speak up against him. However apart from Gordon and Uriel, both who seemed to remain quiet most of the time, his teammates were very supportive of Dean’s relationship with Castiel. Though none of them knew exactly what this was, they continuously teased him about the “love of his life”.

However the biggest change seemed to be the way Gabriel and Balthazar acted around him; it was no longer a friendly pat on the back after a good game, or a small wave from across the hall, but instead Balthazar and Gabriel would hug him or talk to him like they'd been friends for years. Although this wasn't particularly new with Balthazar, the reaction from Gabriel had surprised him and Dean still had trouble adjusting to this new development.

What Dean loved most about this family was their enthusiasm for things they loved; Dean admired that type of passion. He found himself relating to Balthazar's love for sport, often spending hours at a time after a game talking about techniques and tactics. Although it was somewhat unfathomable, he found Gabriel's delight with sweets and food somewhat endearing and was highly amused when Gabe finally met Sam - the two of them had a long discussion about a healthy diet.

It came as a surprise to no one, however, when Dean related most with Castiel's passions. Though Dean had no inclination towards instrumental music, he found himself attending small concerts with Cas anyway. In the same way, although Cas knew nothing of sport, there was no doubt that he would be the first one there to Dean's games. Several times Balthazar had teased him about picking favourites, and when Castiel had rushed to apologise, his older cousin had simply wrapped him in a hug and told him to not fret, for he was only joking. Of course, when it came to literature, they both found common ground and would leave many surprised when they had full conversations straight from a play, very relevant to situations they were in. Often they would test each other on their favourite books and poems, seeing how much each of them could recite things off by heart.

At first Dean found himself cautious to continue his relationship with Castiel, both as a friend and as someone who meant so much more, without doubting how long it would last. Not only did Dean feel as if he would mess this up, he also felt as if he wasn't worthy enough for Castiel, especially not after what Cas had been through.

Yet as the weeks went by, October turning into November and Christmas decorations now going on sale in stores all over, Dean realised how much lighter he had been feeling. He noticed how he no longer felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, despite preparing to send university applications through, but instead walked around with an air of calmness. Dean didn't need to guess to know that the reason for this new feeling was due to Castiel; there was simply something about his best friend that put Dean to ease and made him feel as if he was able to accomplish anything. If Dean rang up at late hours in the night, fretting about how he was afraid to fail or how he didn't deserve the things that seemed to be going well in his life, Castiel would be there to reprimand him, reminding Dean that out of all people he'd known, Dean deserved every good thing he ever received.

In turn, when Castiel suffered an especially bad case of withdrawal, or stumbled into school with sad eyes and a longing to join Michael, Dean would be there to pick up the pieces. Instead of trailing after him, Dean would stop Castiel in his tracks and remind him that if Castiel were to truly leave, he would leave Dean to break and then, no one would be there to fix him. Although it was selfish, it seemed as if on these days the only thing that would shake Castiel from his reverie was the reminder that he was Dean's and Dean was his, and that was worth fighting for.

In a way, Dean felt a small amount of pride for Castiel's, now permanent, sobriety. Although he thought no higher of himself, Dean knew that others were also aware of this. None of their praise mattered of course, until Gabriel and Balthazar cornered him one day to say thank you. After a few more minutes of silence, where the brothers seemed to analyse him, they then invited Dean over for dinner. This was the reason Dean found himself standing outside a large house in the freezing cold of November. The days were already growing darker and although the neighbourhood was not unfamiliar, having picked up Cas from here many times, Dean still felt uncomfortable standing in front of the luxurious building.

Suddenly, Dean heard a car door slam behind him and a familiar voice wave a cab off with a sarcastic 'thank you'. When Castiel finally turned around, it was to see Dean leaning against his door with a red nose and a grin on his face.

“Did we have something planned?” Castiel asked uncertainly, walking forwards and searching his pockets for the house key.

“Nope, Bal invited me over tonight. God knows why…but here I am.”

“Yes, so you are.” Castiel hummed in amusement, pushing the door to the house open before turning around to make sure Dean was following.

“Where is everyone by the way?”

“Well it’s my turn to cook tonight so they usually stay out late; Gabriel will probably be buying candy, Balthazar will be coming home from his job at the local library and Chuck’s either drunk, asleep, or writing.”

“Chuck? And- writing?”

“Yes, Chuck: my uncle and adoptive father of both Gabriel and Balthazar. He prefers being called Chuck, but for his two sons he doesn’t mind ‘dad’. He’s an author – he previously wrote a series called ‘Supernatural’ under an alias but has recently released crime-thriller novels. They’ve been much more successful and gained an impressive amount of mainstream success.”

“Wait...Wait! Chuck Shurley?”

“Dean, how did you not know this? And why do you sound so excited?” Castiel paused, passing a glass of juice to Dean with fond eyes.

“You could say I’m a fan,”

“That’s always good to hear,” a third voice cut in. Startled, Dean turned around to face the door behind him. Leaning against the frame was a fairly short man, dressed in slacks and a white button up, with a glass of whisky in his hand. His face was shaved, however there were hints of a five o'clock shadow beginning to appear on his face. Immediately Dean found himself liking the stranger, who he's guessed was Chuck, and walked forward with an outstretched hand.

Chuck extended his own hand to return the shake, his welcoming smile turning into a beam. Dean finally caught Chuck's gaze and was slightly awed at how the glimmering, amused blues' seemed to hold a vast amount of intelligence. More, Dean guessed, than Chuck was willing to show. There was a certain glint to them, Dean decided, that made him feel as if Chuck knew the answers to the universe.

“How’s your day been, son?” Chuck asked finally, as he turned his head towards Cas. Dean dropped his hand and returned to the island in the middle of the kitchen, placing his glass of water down. Castiel was now in the process of copping tomatoes skilfully, and looked up for a moment to smile at his uncle.

“It gone quite well, as have most days recently.”

“Hmm.” Chuck paused for a moment and Dean didn’t the miss the way Chuck looked between him and Cas, grinning as if he’d just found another secret to hold in his eyes. “So what’re you making for us today then, Castiel?”

“I’m thinking the chicken pasta everyone likes – the one with the tomatoes, chicken breast, cheese and so on. Then pie for dessert, possibly apple”

Dean perked up at the mention of pie and grinned, winking when Castiel caught his gaze amusedly. Chuck leaned over the counter to pat Castiel on the shoulder, picking up a few soggy pieces of tomato and placing them in his mouth.

“There’s a reason you’re my favourite,” Chuck muttered blissfully, licking the tips of his fingers before reaching out for more tomato. Castiel immediately picked the chopping board off of the counter, balancing the tomato and knife on it, while he glared at Chuck. Chuck raised his hands defensively, reaching towards the fruit bowl instead.

“Chuck Shurley, by the way.” Chuck said a few moments after Castiel had returned to preparing dinner. He took a seat beside Dean and leaned forward, until his chin rested in the cup of his palm and smiled when Dean turned, so they would be able to talk face to face.

“Dean Winchester, sir.”

“No, none of this ‘sir’ business. Chuck will do just fine, man.”

“Ah…okay,”

“So Dean, I’ve heard so much about you I pretty much know everything about you already. But for the sake of conversation, tell me, what do you want to study in uni?”

“Medicine.”

“Of course, of course. Good choice. Castiel here wants to be a-

“-Theology professor. Or Philosophy. He hasn’t really decided, he’s thinking of dropping them both and majoring in English instead.”

“Indecisive bastard aren’t you, son?” Chuck directed at Cas, earning a grin from both of the teens.

“What uni are you thinking of going to? I went to Yale, god knows why.”

“Was it not that good?”

“No, it was great. It was just fucking boring. I could’ve done English like that in any other uni and had more fun.”

“I’m wanting to go to Harvard…”

“Go for it, kid.”

“But,” Dean continued, suddenly interested with the pattern of the wooden table tops, “I don’t think I-“

Suddenly, two hands hit each shoulder. Dean immediately crossed his arms around himself protectively, sending both Chuck and Castiel a glare.

“Dean Winchester, have a little more faith in yourself,” Castiel reprimanded, glaring threateningly once more before he turned around and took out a large pan. Dean then looked at Chuck, who was simply gazing back at him with knowing eyes and a fond smile.

“What he said,” with a thumb, Chuck pointed at Cas’s back before leaning forward, his breath tickling the skin of Dean’s ear as Chuck whispered a “thank you,” and then walked out.

For the rest of that evening Dean could only focus on how gratefully Castiel’s family were looking at him, how open they were with him when he sat at their dinner table. When Dean offered to help Castiel in the kitchen, Chuck and his two sons retreated into the large living room with smiles on their faces and pie in their hands – pie which happened to be so damn good Dean demanded half be left so he could take it home with him. Everyone but Gabriel agreed without much of a fight.

Standing in the kitchen with Castiel as they washed the dishes (Cas not wanting to use the dishwasher as he believed it to be ‘evil’ and the noise ‘disturbing’) Dean realised that they way he interacted with Cas was oddly domestic. How they easily fell into sync, and knew what jobs they’d do. How they manoeuvred around each other when Dean continued to dry the dishes as Castiel packed leftovers into the fridge. Dean realised just how much he loved the way Castiel pressed against his back instead of just asking for the plastic boxes in the overhead cupboards; Castiel in turn loved how Dean would reach around to poke his sides as he tried to reach something from an especially high shelf, before Dean would turn and easily retrieve it.

"Your family are awesome, Cas. They're really good people."

"Yeah...I guess they are. They're idiots, but they're mine."

"I'm yours too, you know?" Dean answered suddenly, his eyes widening at the slip up as he continued to wipe the dish in his hands.

"Yes, but the difference between you and them is that you're not an idiot."

"Some would beg to differ, Cas."

"Yeah, but then they'd be idiots." Dean chuckled, thankfully that Castiel hadn't questioned what Dean had said. It brought slight warmth to his heart when he realised just how easily Cas had accepted his statement, and how open he had been to the idea.

"Though I've hardly met your father, I know your family are just as kind."

"We can be a little too perfect, and other times we'll fight a lot. But like you said, man, they're mine. And I wouldn't have it any other way."  
"Truth be told, Dean," Castiel said after a moment or two of silence, "it's almost impossible for me to imagine you without Sam. The two of you alone are a much stronger family than most."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for example, in fifteen, twenty years time, I can imagine you'll both be the same as you are now. Sam will be looking up to you, and you'll be looking out for him."

"Nah, Sammy won't stick around with me-" Dean was suddenly pressed against the sink, the dish slipping from his hands and into the dirty water. Castiel brought his hands to Dean shoulders, and turned him around, until their noses were barely a centimetre apart.

"You and Sam are all it means to be family, Dean. You are not the lesser one in that relationship - nor is he."

"You're our family too, Cas." Dean finally breathed out, mirroring the shocked expression on Castiel's face, before he smiled slightly, nodding to himself in agreement. "You're part of our little family too."

Dean knew there was a certain co-dependency with Sam, it bordered on something unhealthy. Dean knew he couldn't live without Sam. In the same way, Sam couldn't live without Dean and as much as they fought and argued, it was always over the silliest things and there hostility towards each other never lasted more than an hour or two. It was simply something that they couldn't do. Throughout all their lives, even with their parents around most of the time, Sam and Dean had been each other's constants. When John had stayed away from home for weeks at a time after fighting with Mary, or when Mary had distanced herself emotionally from both Sam and Dean, unknowingly depriving them of the care they craved for, the brother's had been there for each other.

Dean would sing Sam to sleep and tell him stories, teasing Sam when he crawled into bed with Dean but pulling his younger brother closer anyway. Sam would smile when Dean came home with another A* on his test and they'd hide it in the box under Sam's bed, as if they were hiding secrets that were only meant to be kept between them. When Dean got drunk for the first Sam had padded over to him and wrapped him in a hug, sending him a disappointed glare but staying up all night with him anyway. When Sam had first been bullied, it was Dean who walked into school and threatened anyone who dare touch his kid brother again.

However Dean shared none of this with Cas; they had only known each other for three months, but Dean knew calling Castiel family was more than right. The way Sam, the most important person to Dean, had welcomed Castiel into his life without a doubt, opening his arms and treating Cas as if he'd been there all along, was enough for Dean. For Sam to then follow Cas around and worry whenever he witnessed Dean and Castiel fight in case he'd never see Castiel again made Dean feel something he had yet to identify.

"Dean, I'm not sure-" Castiel cut in, his previous determination disappearing as he failed to understand Dean's words.

"Cas," Dean sighed, holding Cas's face with his wrists as to avoid getting dirty water on the shorter teen's cheeks, "you're family, okay?"

When Castiel responded by surging forward and capturing Dean's mouth with his own, teeth nipping at Dean's lips for access into his mouth, Dean couldn't help but smile, taking Castiel's answer as a good sign. Dean brought his wrists down to rest on Castiel's hips, moving his torso forward slightly so that every part of him - any part of him, could be closer. Dean loved how Castiel faintly tasted of apple pie and sugar, his mouth warm against Dean's own, and chuckled when Castiel grinned into the kiss.

"No one, Dean Winchester," Cas murmured, placing kisses on the curves of Dean's lips, "has ever confused me so much."

"I am one of a kind,"

"That's good to know. You're still infuriatingly confusing though."

"But you'll let it pass right? Because you just love me so much?"

"I'm afraid I do."

Dean had asked the question teasingly, but the way Castiel had responded, so passively as if he reassured Dean of his love continuously, caused Dean to stop and stare wide eyed at Cas. Cas now had his back turned to Dean, and had resumed his job of putting the leftover food into smaller boxes, humming under his breath as he did so. It was too soon for Dean to decide on a reply to the statement, and he knew that Castiel had probably dismissed the seriousness of it completely, however as he thought about it, the idea didn't unsettle him. Dean would go so far as to admit he would have no problems whispering the three magic words when the time came to it. For now however, he walked forward and wrapped his arms around Castiel from behind, kissing the older teen on his shoulder, over and over, as they swayed absently to the music coming from the TV room down the hall.


	7. Chapter 7

The first time Dean kissed Castiel in school, Castiel had been lying along one of the bleachers with Dean’s copy of ‘Slaughterhouse-Five’ in his hands. 

It had been a week since Dean visited Castiel’s house, and since then Castiel had met Dean’s father and stayed over for several nights as per Sam’s request. It hadn’t taken long after that for Gabriel, Balthazar and Chuck to make their way into the Winchester household, treating it as if it were their home. Suffice to say, both Dean and Castiel assumed that life was turning out pretty well.

More importantly, the relationship between them was developing rapidly. They had continuously been told they acted like an old, married couple and would often find themselves agreeing. Both of them also found that no one in the school seemed bothered by their open intimacy. Jo, Andy and Ash had mocked them at first, Castiel’s friends teasing him about the roles in their relationship, however they had also been completely supportive of Castiel’s decisions and, as per his request, no longer said anything to Dean to make him feel uncomfortable. 

Castiel was more than happy when, after spending several lunch times together, his friends seemed to accept Dean into their circle. In the same way, though Castiel had been acknowledged within the baseball team due to his relation with Balthazar, they now openly talked to him as if he were an old friend. 

So when Dean ran up to Castiel, pulling him up by the arms until their bodies collided, lips crashing against each other’s, students could only stare on in disbelief. For some pupils, it was more shock that Cas and Dean had finally come out as a couple, whereas other students such as Gabriel, Jo and Sam could only roll their eyes, muttering a small “finally” under their breath. 

“Dean,” Castiel breathed out, pulling away with wide eyes, “I don’t think you-“ Before Castiel could finish his sentence, Dean had pulled Cas close once more. Dean was smiling so widely, that the kisses ended up being small brushes of mouths until Dean started laughing. Castiel looked down as Dean nestled his head into Cas’s shoulder, his laughter sounding more like hysterical relief. For a moment, Cas stood there limply, before he smiled and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, kissing the lobe of Dean’s ear.

“As I was saying,” Castiel murmured, trying to avoid the looks of students who were still lingering around the bleachers, “you attracted quite an audience.”

“Do’ cay,” Dean mumbled. Cas could feel Dean’s smile through the fabric of his shirt, and pulled back slightly so he could look Dean in the eye.

“Sorry, I’m afraid I don’t speak caveman.”

“I got an offer, Cas,” Dean whispered in disbelief, “I got an offer.”

“What?”

“I can’t believe it but…Cas, I got an offer.”

Although it was only the beginning of December, and offers from universities usually came in around April, there were certain exceptions. Both Dean and Castiel were part of a group of early action applicants, wanting to secure their chances of getting into an Ivy League university. Dean definitely had no other option than to apply early as he was applying for a medical degree, and therefore pre-med students were required to apply earlier.

“Dean,” Castiel cupped the taller teen’s face in his hands, stroking his thumb along Dean’s jaw, “this is wonderful news.”

“I mean they’re still waiting until I get my results next term and I’ve gotta get at least three A’s and a B and everything else has to be above a pass but-“ 

Dean was rambling; his hands roaming around restlessly until Cas finally let go of Dean’s face and forced Dean’s arms to stay by his hips. 

“You can do it, Dean. I have complete faith in you.”

“You think I can? I mean mum and dad will be proud, right? And…and Sammy! He’ll be more excited than me and mmf-“ 

Castiel brought his lips forward for a small kiss in order to shut Dean up. However he didn’t mind when Dean stopped trying to talk altogether, and instead wrapped his arms tighter around Cas and prolonging the kiss. He began to dot Cas’s whole face with kisses until Castiel was laughing, pushing Dean away from him in order to avoid the ticklish brush of lips on his skin.

Castiel knew that Dean doubted himself. Sammy was always the “smarter” brother, and Dean never said this with any resentment, but Castiel still wanted to prove to Dean that he was just as smart and wise, if not more so. He just hoped that Dean’s offer into an Ivy League would restore some of Dean’s faith. 

“I’m going to find Sammy,” Dean exclaimed, placing a soft kiss on Castiel’s cheek before he ran down the steps and back towards the school. With a small chuckle, Castiel turned around and started packing his things back into his bag, shrugging on his jacket as a cold gush of wind passed by. Five minutes later he was leaning against the door of the Impala, Vonnegut in his hands once more, as he waited for Sam and Dean to meet up with him. 

“Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything?” Dean quoted, smiling as he walked up to the Impala with Sam’s bag on his shoulder. He opened the door and waited for Sam to clamber in before handing Sam back his bag and getting into the driver’s sear. 

“Because this moment simply is.” Castiel murmured in reply, winking at Sam in greeting.

“Hey Dean,” Sam piped up after a few moments of silence, “are we going to celebrate?”

“I haven’t gotten in yet, Sammy.”

“As if you won’t.”

“I don’t know…it’s going to be hard.”

“Don’t be a bitch about it, Dean.”

“Samuel,” Cas cut into the brothers banter, “watch your fucking mouth. And Dean, I agree. We should celebrate, if only for the excuse of eating ice-cream.”

“Pie.” Dean cut in, before Sam was able to reply.

“What about it?”

“If we celebrate, we’re going to celebrate with pie.” Both Sam and Castiel shared a look through the rear-view mirror, knowing smiles on their faces as they complied with Dean’s request. 

It was for this reason that the three teenagers found themselves sitting around a small table in the corner of a small diner, just outside of town, half an hour later. Soft jazz music played in the background while they sat in companionable silence. Dean had nearly finished his pie and was listening to Sam talk about his day, eyes wide with excitement as he explained to both Dean and Castiel what he was debating next week in the school semi-finals. As the hour went by, Sam finally excused himself to go to the bathroom before they ordered something substantial for dinner, and left Dean with Cas.

For a while the two of them sat together, lost in their own thoughts, with their hands entwined on the middle of the table. It was when the door slammed shut behind them, signalling a customer’s departure, that they were shaken out of their reverie. Dean brought their linked hands’ up to his face and placed a kiss upon Castiel’s knuckles, before tucking them under his chin and forcing Castiel to lean forward over the small table. 

“Well done Dean, I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks Cas, now all we’ve got to do is wait for your offer to come through and we’ll be packing our bags!” Castiel chuckled at Dean’s enthusiasm and pulled his hand away, leaning back into his seat so he could stretch his legs out and rest them on Dean’s knees.

“I think you forget that we still have to finish the school year.”

“Damn,” Dean muttered, lifting his head with a smile as Sam returned and sat beside Castiel. Before they could place their orders however, Sam turned to face the front of the diner with wide eyes and waved at a family that had just entered the building. 

“Dean,” Sam pleaded, “can I go-“

“Who?”

“Jess,” 

“The Jess?”

" _The_ Jess." 

“Hmm, what do you think, Cas? Should we let him go or…”

“Dean.”

“Alright, alright.” When Sam sent him a wary look, Dean titled his head to the side, much like Cas often did when he was confused, and raised an eyebrow. “Well go already! You never keep a lady waiting.”

“I think you better watch out, Dean. Sam’s growing up to be quite the ladies man.” Castiel murmured, eyes crinkling with amusement as Sam ran over to greet his friend. 

“You’re telling me; the kid’s going to be an animal.” The two of them laughed as they continued to watch Sam talk to Jess and her parents, standing tall with his shoulders back. Dean knew his little brother, though, and could tell that Sam was feeling quite intimidated. Turning back to Castiel, Dean stayed silent and let his eyes roam over the unusually delicate features of his boyfriends face. Part of him felt as if they word boyfriend didn’t fit, and most of the time Dean would find himself thinking about Castiel as a love insteadr. 

“So, uni,” Dean finally breathed out, dropping his head in mild disbelief. 

“Uni,” Cas repeated with a small smile. 

“Man, I still can’t believe it you know. Just the fact I got in, Cas. The fact that I’m nearly on my way to becoming a doctor, is just... Helping people, saving them, I can finally do all of that Cas.”

“Well, you won’t be able to save everyone, Dean.”

“I can try,”

“I never said you couldn’t, I’m sure you’ll save all lives that are capable of saving. Perhaps performing a miracle or two of your own.” There was a certain uncomfortable silence that lingered between them as they waited for their food, before Dean finally cut in.

“You’re definitely going to study Theology then?”

“Well, it is what I’ve applied for. That and an English BA.”

“True…true, but you know you could do other things.” Castiel took a sharp intake of breath, before asking Dean in a quiet voice what he meant. 

“Well you know, theology is awesome and all but don’t you want to do something else? I mean, you’re smart enough, Cas. You could do anything you wanted. Why waste it all on theology?” 

“I didn’t realise this was a problem for you.” Dean’s eyes widened with realisation and he sat up, trying to find words to apologise. 

“Cas, I didn’t mean-“

“Only because you’re applying for medicine, Dean, does not mean other courses aren’t as good or as useful as yours.”

There was venom in Castiel’s voice that Dean had never heard before, and an underlying hurt Dean had only ever heard Cas used when he’d recalled the day his father disowned him. 

“I didn’t-“

“Thank you for the dessert, Dean. I’ll hail a cab - there’s no need for you to drive me home.”

“Cas, come on, I didn’t-“

“Goodbye Dean,” 

Dean got up to follow Castiel out of the diner, but stopped as he realised with a hollow heart, that he couldn’t leave Sam behind. When he thought of asking Jess’s parents to take care of Sam, Castiel was no where to be seen. Five minutes later Sam came to stand beside Dean, looking up at his older brother with worry in his eyes,.

“I messed up, Sammy.”

“Then what are we still standing here for? Go do what you do best, dude, and fix it.”

Dean needn’t be told twice as he rushed towards the Impala, starting the engine and calling impatiently for Sam to stop saying his goodbyes and get in the “goddamn car already!”

\----

Unfortunately, it wasn’t until a few hours later that Dean was able to talk to Castiel. He’d been caught up with helping his parents and finally arrived at Cas’s house as the clock was striking eleven pm. At first Dean contemplated knocking on the door, however he decided to stay in the Impala and retrieved his phone instead, fingers automatically typing Castiel’s phone number. It only took several rings before Dean heard Castiel’s voice through the line.

“Hello?”

“Cas-“

“Ah, Dean. I’m afraid I can-“

“I didn’t mean to belittle you. Or make you feel like shit. I just…I’ve never understood theology, or why someone would want to study it as a degree. But when I think about you standing up there-“

“Dean-“

“Listen to me, Cas. I don’t bare my heart to people often, and you know it. Just, hear me out, okay?” There was a pause, and Dean took the opportunity to continue. 

“When I think about you, standing in front of all these kids and talking about something you love, your hands moving constantly when you’re trying to explain things – I get it. Sure I don’t understand the subject, but I get it. I get why you want to do it. And you probably will help people, maybe not in the same way as me, but you’ll help them think and learn. Goddammit Cas, I just want you to be happy. If a career in theology does that, then I want you to go for it.

You’ve always talked about the pressure of children to study for something like medicine and law, but you’ve never mentioned the pressure on children who want to study arts. And-“

“If I told you I was going to be happy, Dean, studying these things, what would you think?”

“It doesn’t matter what I’d say, what I said in the diner was a load of shit and I should never have thought that.”

“That wasn’t my question, Dean. Would you think any less of me?”

“No Cas, how could you even- no.” 

The silence that followed was uncomfortable and felt wrong in many ways. Dean’s skin crawled as he clambered out of the Impala, his mind replaying his earlier stupidity over and over again. 

“I’m sorry, Cas.”

“That was an unnecessary thing to say, Dean.”

“I know I was being an idiot. I don’t even get why I said something like that.”

“Because you’re a dick and a bastard.”

“Whoa Cas, tell me how you really feel.” 

“That’s precisely what I’m doing.”

“I really am sorry, Cas.”

“Hm,”

“I’m being serious bright eyes, I don’t know why I said it.”

“Freudian Slip, perhaps? And also, bright eyes?”

“No, it really wasn’t Cas. Only because I don’t understand something, doesn’t mean I should belittle it. Well…you are.” 

“Bright eyes, hm. I suppose I could get used to it.”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“What makes you think I don’t?”

“The implication that you’ll stay around to get used to it.”

“Damn me and my habit of speaking out loud.” Dean breathed a sigh of relief, turning around to look up at the dark sky, trying to see if he could catch sight of the stars. 

“I’m sorry Cas.”

“You’ve said.”

“Do you forgive me?”

“Perhaps. But if don’t get inside, you’ll freeze and die before I have the chance.”

Dean whirled around with wide eyes, surprised that he hadn’t heard the door open behind him. Closing his phone, he slid it into the pocket of his jacket, keeping his eyes locked on Cas’s. Castiel mirrored his actions, and then remained in the doorway, face downcast and his eyes clouded with hurt. 

Dean hated this. Hated that he’d hurt Castiel, especially through something Castiel showed love for. The way Cas seemed hesitant to move forward, and was the first one to look away after they’d been staring at each other for several minutes. Dean cursed himself for making Cas feel so vulnerable; Dean knew these dreams of Castiel’s were one’s he’d hardly ever talked about. For Castiel to so easily have revealed them to Dean only to feel mocked in return made Dean feel disgusted with himself. 

Everyone knew that Dean Winchester was not a man of words, but he was a man of action. So as he stepped forward, heart aching when Castiel looked up at him in something akin to fear, Dean could only cup Castiel’s face in his hands and press their mouths together. For several moments, Castiel didn’t move, barely dared to breathe, as he felt the familiar touch of Dean’s skin on his own. 

It was when Dean moaned against him, as if pleading for Castiel to understand what he was trying to say, that Cas finally moved his lips against Dean’s. The kiss was gentle and hesitant, but still the simple touch felt so right, that they both craved more. 

A gasp escaped from Castiel’s lips, and then suddenly, Dean could feel Castiel’s fingers curly softly around Dean’s neck. His finger pads were barely touching Dean’s skin and yet he had never felt something so strong. It was as if all of Dean’s senses had been heightened and the air seemed to be buzzing around him. 

Dean pulled back only for a moment, smiling as Castiel tried to follow Dean’s lips with his own. Dean thought, as Castiel looked at him with wide eyes, that he’d never seen eyes so blue and beautiful. Castiel’s lips were bright red and the pink flush of his cheeks made him look innocent and young. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist as he bent down to capture Cas’s lips with his own. Immediately, Castiel clasped his hands around Dean’s neck, arching his back to fill the remaining gaps between their bodies. 

When one of them tried to pull back to regain his breath, the other would follow the path of their lips until they were both touching again. The desperation that they had started with faded as the couple began to savour each touch. Dean slowly sank his teeth into the sore skin of Castiel’s bottom lip. Castiel kissed each of Dean’s lips individually, alternating between capturing Dean’s top lip and bottom lip with his own. Dean ran his tongue along the soft curve of Castiel’s mouth and when Castiel shuddered underneath him, moaned in a way that Dean could only describe as sinful, lips would crash together again. 

Neither of them knew how they went from standing outside in the cold to chasing each other up to Castiel’s room, locking the door behind them. Castiel’s hands tangled themselves in Dean’s hair and Dean trailed kisses along Castiel’s jaw, making his way down the pale skin of Cas’ neck. 

Castiel whispered Dean’s name breathlessly as Dean pushed him down onto the bed. Hands trailed everywhere, both of them wanting to touch so much but not knowing where to start. Some time later, lips and necks bruised with kisses, they both lay next to each other in shocked silence. 

Their hands were still tangled together when Castiel finally turned his face to look at Dean, and all wariness disappeared when he saw the brightness in Dean’s eyes. After a few more moments, Dean sat up and crossed his legs, raking a hand through his hair as he smiled in disbelief. Castiel took the opportunity to climb onto Dean’s lap, straddling his hips, before he rested his head on the curve of Dean’s shoulder. 

Both of them savoured the feeling of their breath’s ghosting each other’s skin, before Castiel finally lifted his head. With a tentative smile, he pressed a kiss to the side of Dean’s neck and cupped the back of Dean’s head in his left hand as Dean leaned back, his mouth open slightly as small gasps escaped his swollen lips. 

Slowly, Castiel pressed his lips to the freckles on Dean’s face. His thumb tracing circles on the side of Dean’s cheek as Dean’s breaths grew broken, trying to find the voice to beg Castiel to stop teasing him already. Dean opened his eyes pleadingly, but became silent when he saw Castiel’s blue eyes full of such adoration Dean knew he didn’t deserve it. 

But this was Cas, and they were broken, and they were each other’s. So Dean took him in, drowned in him, without complaint or regret.

When Dean finally had enough, he surged forward to catch Castiel’s lips between his own once more. Instead of kisses and bites, this touch was a grazing of lips and a mingling of breaths. 

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean spoke in between kisses.

“No shit, Dean.” Although sarcastic, Dean knew that his apology meant a lot to Castiel, and smiled in response.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...porn. You have been warned.

There was a certain excitement around Christmas time that affected people of all ages. Walking through the market, his hand tangled with Dean’s, Castiel could help but looking around the small torn of Lawrence. Bright lights shone from shop windows and the canopies of wooden stalls; light snow fell onto the ground, settling to create layers of white sheets around them. By the side of the streets and in the park further along, children and families were gathering together to sing Christmas carols and build snowmen, while members of the small, local church handed out warm cups of tea and hot chocolate to passers by.

Truly, Castiel thought, it was sickeningly cliché. However when Dean nudged his shoulder, laughing as Sam stumbled in front of them and nearly pulled Jessica onto the icy ground with him, Castiel realised that he didn’t mind. 

At first, Castiel had expected to stay in his room over the holidays, as he had done over the past few years after Michael’s death. It had therefore come as a surprise when Chuck dragged him out of bed that morning and demanded he buy presents for everyone, because Christmas was in four days and he was “the only one who had nothing to give.” 

When he’d picked up his phone to text Dean, it was only to find that Dean was about to arrive with Sam in the next five minutes, so he could take Castiel to do some last minute shopping. Castiel had hurried to throw on some warm clothes and grab a cereal bar before Sam had rushed into the house, shouting a hello to the Shurley’s as he dragged Castiel outside and into the Impala. Having woken up only several minutes earlier, Castiel had not appreciated being man handled. However when Dean leaned forward to kiss away his frown and murmur a small ‘good morning’ into his ear, despite Jessica’s laughter from the back seat and Sam’s obvious disgust, Castiel could only smile in return before resting his head against the cool glass window. 

Standing in the middle of the market square, Castiel reluctantly let go of Dean’s had so that he could buy Dean’s present. He had bought his cousins, his uncle, and the three Winchesters’ presents quite easily, knowing exactly what he wanted to get them as soon as he’d seen the gifts. Yet Castiel had been wondering around town all morning and not one thing had caught his eye; he had been confused as to why the person he knew best was the most difficult to buy for, but then again he supposed, it was probably because he wanted to give Dean something perfect. 

Castiel walked around aimlessly for another few moments before he stumbled onto a small stall in the quitter part of the main square. The stall, unlike most of the one’s out, was made of wood instead of metal, and seemed more like a cabin that had a wall taken off of it. On the walls, Castiel could see dream-catchers of all colours and sizes swaying in the winter wind. Old, used books lined the bookshelves and Castiel swore he could see Vonnegut. At the front of the stall, small and simple items of jewellery crowded the tables, necklaces hanging off the front and bouncing against the thin, rough white sheets that had been used to prevent the items from rolling off the smooth wooden surfaces. It was when Castiel rested his blue eyes on the far corner of the stand that he finally found exactly what he wanted to get Dean for Christmas. 

When Castiel made his way back to the centre of the square, where the four of them had agreed to meet, Jo and Ash ambushed him. Both of them were covered in snow, and despite the many layers they seemed to be wearing, their noses were red with cold. 

“Hey Castiel,” Ash sang, still excited from all the carol singing he’d participated in during the morning. 

“Hello Joanna, Ash.” 

“It’s Jo, Cassie.” She exclaimed with a roll of her eyes, shaking her head fondly as small flakes of snow fell on the locks of her honey-coloured hair. 

“It’s Castiel, Jo.” Cas replied with a small smile, smirking when Jo stuck her tongue out in reply. “Have you been successful in purchasing your Christmas presents?” 

“Yeah, man. I’ve got some really cool stuff for people.”

"It's hard to believe that someone who speaks with such limited vocabulary is a maths genius."

Castiel muttered, tilting his head to the side in genuine amazement.

“'People' better include me and Cas,” Jo interrupted, glaring at Ash as a small, teasing smile threatened to break out on her face. With a grin, Ash threw his arm across her shoulders and leaned in to kiss Jo’s forehead, before lifting his right arm up to show the many bags he had containing presents. 

“Well you two are my favourites. Wait- here,” Ashy shuffled away from Jo and rustled through the gift bags until his eyes lit up, and he lifted a small, nicely wrapped package from one of them. “Might as well give you yours now, Castiel. Bunch of CD’s with the best music – lover boy will definitely approve.” 

As Ash and Castiel exchanged presents, beginning to talk about mainstream music, including the affect it was having on the younger generation, Dean came up quietly behind Cas before poking Castiel’s ribs. The older teen jerked in surprised and nearly slipped back into Dean, before turning slightly to punch Dean's shoulder.

“Speak of the devil,” Jo muttered before smiling as Dean enveloped her in a one armed hug, before he returned to Cas’s side. 

“Hey man,” Dean nodded at Ash, lifting his hand for a high five, before his attention returned to Cas. “And how’s my second favourite nerd doing?” 

"I'm assuming your first is Sam?"

"You're a genius, Novak."

"And you're a sarcastic ass, Winchester."

"Yeah well, you love me for it," Dean replied, and smiled when Castiel failed to deny it. "So, how did the hunt go?" 

“If by that you mean have I found you a present yet, then yes I have.” 

“Can I have a-“

“No.”

“But-“

“No.”

“Ple-“ 

“Shut up.” 

“But-“

“Dean, we’re spending Christmas together anyway. It’s only two days away.”

“I know bu-“

Before Dean could say anything further, Cas leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Dean’s lips, smiling as Dean groaned in frustration when Castiel pulled away. Ash grinned with a shake of his head, while Jo gushed about how cute Dean and Cas were. Waving them goodbye, Dean and Castiel eventually made their way to the coffee shop. However this time, instead of holding hands, Cas walked leaning against Dean’s side with an arm wrapped around Dean’s waist. There was something wonderful about the way Castiel fit into Dean's side perfectly, tall enough to kiss Dean's lips without stretching too much, but short enough so that he could rest his head on Dean's shoulder without craning his neck.

Yeah, Castiel decided, everything was sickening and cliché, but he supposed there was no other way to celebrate Christmas if not like this.

\----

The next few days passed by quietly, the snowfall growing heavier until the only was of transport was walking on thick sheets of ice, and the atmosphere of the whole city seemed to grow more festive. Castiel and Dean had spent Christmas Eve respectively with their own families. In Dean's household, Mary had cooked the food while her three boys had decorated the house, hanging red and golden decorations from the ceiling and covering the Christmas tree is as many ornaments as they could. Christmas Carols and, what they all classed as timeless, Christmas songs were played loudly throughout the day as the Winchester's gathered together from time to time to sing and dance along with a particularly fast-paced song. 

Christmas Eve at the Shurley-Novak household, however, had gone quite differently. The four of them being exceptionally good cooks gathered in the kitchen to make the meal together. Gabriel had been in charge of the deserts with Balthazar, where Castiel and Chuck had handled the main course. As the Winchester's had done, Christmas songs played throughout the house, however it didn't go unnoticed how most of them were drowned out by Gabriel's loud attempts to sing along. Presents had collected under the tree, including one's meant for the Winchester's, despite them going over there for Christmas, and the decorations gleamed silver and pale blues. Every now and then Chuck would ruffle Castiel's hair fondly, murmuring that it was nice to finally spend Christmas together with his son again. Gabriel and Balthazar continued to jump on him and attack him through the day, ecstatic because of the look on their baby's cousin face; it had been years since they'd seen Castiel so happy on Christmas. The fact that this was Castiel's first proper Christmas in a long time, however, remained a bittersweet thought in the back of their minds. 

It was later that evening, as the clock began to chime eight, that both families rushed to get their coats on. Whereas Mary had been prepared and packed the food away straight after they'd eaten, Chuck and his three kids had abandoned the table to watch 'Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer'. They barely had time to cover the food with spare plates and tissues before they were rushing into Chuck's Prius and heading towards the town park.

The four of them managed to arrive them in the half the time it should have taken. Castiel had stumbled out of the car with a dizzy head, complaining about Gabriel's recklessness, especially on such icy roads. Gabriel had thrown an arm around Cas in apology before dragging him to the front of the crowd, pausing for a moment or two for Gabriel to shout hello when he recognised someone from school. Getting tired of both Gabriel's and Balthazar's shouting across the crowd, Castiel hurried forward so he could walk with Chuck instead, both of them silently agreeing to deny any relation they had to the two brothers. The crowd was buzzing with excitement, making it difficult to hear the small band play carols on the stage in front of them. Chuck and Castiel were some of the only people who were even bothering to pay attention;

"You're a good kid Cas, don't mess it up." Chuck murmured, sending his nephew a long look. Castiel didn't need to ask what Chuck meant by this, and instead bent his head down, avoiding Chuck's gaze.

"You can't ask me to make this promise,"

"Michael's dead," Castiel took in a sharp breath, looking up at Chuck helplessly. "And it's not your fault. My brother is a fucking bastard - and it's still not your fault. You've got Balth and Gabe. You've got me. You've got Dean, son. I'm not letting you throw that away because you were surrounded by people who didn’t appreciate you - you’re allowed this happiness Cas. And I don't mean the first Christmas you'll remember, I mean family. Us three Shurley's are messed up, man, I know that - but we're trying our best."

"Uncle, I appreciate your efforts - your love overwhelms me and though I may not show it, my love for you is just as strong. But I cannot afford to have this luxury, this _happiness_. It is not something I deserve. You are more of a father to me than mine ever was, but I have found myself lost many times, and no one's been around to guide me in any direction, whether it be wrong or right. It's too late now for any sort of redemption for me."

"For a kid who raised himself, I think you turned out pretty great. If there's one flaw that I had to pick out though, it wouldn't be your incredibly strong self-hatred or your almost foolish levels of kindness. It would be your selfishness to think it's okay to turn your back on everyone who loves you. That, and no one's ever too old for forgiveness."

Castiel jerked back in surprise and hurt, eyes widening as Chuck continued to look at the orchestra with a passive expression on his face. Chuck was usually the one to sit with Castiel, even when Castiel had been stoned, and talk about philosophical and ethical arguments for the sake of arguing, much like Castiel did with Dean. Castiel would sometimes stumble into Chuck's study during the early hours of the morning seeking comfort, and Chuck would turn around with a small smile and talk about his latest book, indirectly answering all the questions Castiel was too scared to ask out loud: 

'Is it okay for me to be gay? Does it make me a bad person because someone tried to rape me? Does my father hate me because I'm a mistake? Or was I created for the sole purpose of being hated?' 

Although neither of them were overly affectionate people, unlike Balthazar and Gabriel, Castiel would find himself wrapped in Chucks arm's many times. Chuck would pat his shoulder like Castiel used to hope his father would, and smile at Castiel like Cas had made him proud simply by saying 'hello'.

This was probably the reason why Castiel was now staring at Chuck in shock; for his uncle to not only directly address the problem, but criticise Castiel without helping him understand, was something completely new and unnerving. Chuck finally noticed Castiel's silence and tilted his head to the side, his hands shoved into the pockets of his coat as he waited for Castiel to reply. When Cas said nothing, only managing to open and close his mouth a few times before clamping it shut, Chuck spoke up again.

"You're like me, you know? Gabriel and Balthazar are their own people; they’re my sons, yeah. I chose them and I love them with every inch of me. But the type of smart that they are is the type that means they’ll go on to do crazy and amazing things with their lives. But you, Cas you're my flesh and blood. It should worry me that out of all people, you're going to end up a somewhat like me. Yet, on the other hand kid, it helps - because it makes you that much more predictable.

I've seen your uni applications, you're planning on heading off to Europe first chance you get. You've only applied to one American university and an Ivy League at that. I've no doubts that you'll get in, but you do, and so that's why you applied. You think you'll be able to run away as soon as your rejection letter comes through. Maybe you hate yourself beyond measure, Castiel. Maybe it's something not even Dean can fix - and let me tell you, I practically worship the dude for saving you from this hell you've created. But that gives you no right to turn away from the people who need you in their lives, son."

"I don't think I can do it, uncle. I don't know if I can't put myself through that knowing I'll let people down." Chuck turned to look at his nephew with sad eyes, pulling the teen in for a warm embrace as the choir started to sing yet another carol. He ran a comforting hand up and down Castiel's back, scrunching his eyes up in anger and pain; anger at his brother for letting Cas become so broken, sad because he'd never appreciated Michael when his older nephew had been around. 

"Then you've just got to stick around and see what happens, Castiel." Cas pulled back to give Chuck a watery smile, nodding his head and muttering an apology under his breath, promising to try harder. "That's all I'm asking of you, kid."

The two of them lapsed into a comfortable silence before Gabriel and Balthazar found them and started dragging them towards the centre of the crowd. They were just about to get near the very front when a hand grabbed out and grabbed Castiel's free arm, causing him to stumble and fall back onto Balthazar who had been walking behind him. It took one small, familiar laugh for Castiel to smile widely, regaining his balance and turning around to smile at Dean before Sam bolted into him, making Castiel stumble once more. The affection with which Sam held him in the embrace brought a warm sensation to Castiel's heart and a second later, he found himself hugging Sam back just as tightly. When Dean started teasing them, complaining how Dean _knew_ Castiel had been using him to get to Sam, and that Sam could let go now because

"he's my boyfriend, bitch," the two teenagers finally pulled apart. Castiel ruffled Sam's hair before purposefully walking towards Mary, who gave him a light kiss on the cheek before wrapping him in a bone-crushing hug, and shaking John's hand with a nod. Only then did Castiel finally return back to where Dean was standing, letting out a small laugh when he saw the pout on Dean's face. Immediately, Cas leaned forward to kiss it away, barely having time to say anything before Dean was gnawing at his lip, sliding the tip of his tongue against Castiel's. Sam made a small noise of protest while Mary laughed, amused at the actions of her oldest son.

"I should make you jealous more often," Castiel murmured when he finally pulled back for a breath, noticing that Chuck was engaged in conversation with both of Dean's parents while Balthazar and Gabriel teased Sam about his long hair and height, though Gabriel soon shut up as he realised Sam still had four years left to grow and he had none.

"I will kill you," Dean replied, kissing Castiel's face with each syllable.

"As if you'd dare, you love-"

Castiel was cut off when someone on the stage shouted into a microphone, the crowd fell deadly silent, all eyes focused on the dark tree in the centre. The lights around the park were dimly lit, so even those who had managed to catch a glimpse of the decorations wouldn't be able to make it out well enough to be certain. When Castiel had asked why the town had decided to light the Christmas tree at ten in the evening on Christmas Eve, Dean had explained that because of it's small size, the community were very close so spending Christmas Eve together was basically like celebrating with an extended family. This included lighting the Christmas tree; after that, people would gather around as cafe's opened up and they'd sit in the streets singing carols and making snowmen, ice skating and catching up with people who they hadn't seen in a while.

Slowly, the town mayor began the countdown from ten, encouraging adults and children alike to join in. By the time they had reached the number three, everyone was shouting as loud as they possibly could with childlike smiles on all their faces. When the tree finally lit up, small toddlers began to laugh with excitement, while others chattered excitedly to one another in awe. The tree was tall, taller than any tree Castiel had ever seen, and was covered in lights and golden tinsel, bright red and gold baubles hanging from its branches while a large star rested on the very top of the tree. The lights of the tree, and of the lamp posts that ran down the street, reflected off of the shining balls making it look like the tree was glowing. Castiel could hear Mary and Sam admiring the decorations while Chuck and John were already lost in conversation to do with sport. On the other hand, Balthazar and Gabriel had already started fighting because Gabriel wanted to see if they'd hanged any chocolate from the tree too, and Balthazar was intent on stopping him.

Castiel turned around to Dean, squeezing Dean's hand with his own, only to find that Dean had already been staring at him with glazed eyes. A trace of a smile was etched onto Dean's features, however he was otherwise lost in thought. Castiel raised an eyebrow, titling his head to the side before nudging Dean's side with his shoulder. This seemed to break Dean out of his reverie, and much like his mother and brother, Dean also began to praise the decorations on the tree with such happiness that Castiel couldn't help but kiss him fondly on the cheek, pretending not to notice the way Dean's skin tinged pink at the touch.

\----

Christmas morning started off with a shout; the Shurley’s had walked into the Winchester household with their arms full of presents, singing Christmas songs at the top of their voices as Castiel trailed tiredly behind them. He hadn’t been surprised to see that Dean was the only one still in bed, and rightfully so at eight in the morning, so as quietly as he could, Castiel sneaked upstairs. 

Dean barely had time to open his eyes before Castiel had jumped onto the mattress, nestling into Dean’s side and throwing his arm around Dean’s waist. Dean could faintly hear Gabriel’s shouts for Castiel, demanding that when he came down next he’d drag Dean down with him. 

Castiel murmured something into Dean’s plain t-shirt, placing a soft kiss on Dean’s chest before resting his head in Dean’s chin. Dean paused for a moment, used to Castiel’s sleeping habits and waited until Cas finally shuffled once more, wrapping the blanket around him before curling back into Dean. 

“Merry Christmas, Cas,” Dean laughed, chuckling when he felt Cas shake his head. 

“It’s too early for Christmas to be merry, go to sleep.”

“I can’t, your cousins woke me up.”

“Well try,”

“Oh my god, Cas, we need to go downstairs.”

“Dean,”

“Come on, Cas.”

“But-“

“Shut up, let’s go.”

“Sleep-“

“I’ll make you some coffee.” There was pause, and then,

“Why the fuck are you still here, Winchester? Go make me my goddamn coffee.” 

After several moments of remaining in bed, Dean was finally able to move his arms enough to push Castiel off of the bed. The mattress softened the impact, and Dean could only laugh when Castiel looked up from the floor, over the beds edge, to glare at him.  
“Ba-fucking-humbug, Dean.” 

Five minutes later and Dean had finally dragged Castiel down, allowing Cas to keep Dean’s duvet wrapped around him. As the two families sat down to have breakfast, it was revealed that John and Chuck would be making their way down to the local bar to have drinks with their friends later on in the evening. Mary decided that she would go to the hospital and wish her patients a merry Christmas, dropping Sam off at Jessica’s along the way. As expected, Balthazar and Gabriel decided Christmas time was a time meant for partying and getting drunk, though the last part was heavily implied rather than said. 

When asked what they would be doing in the afternoon, Cas and Dean shared a look before simultaneously stating that they would be going back to bed. Everyone had rolled their eyes or raised their hands, as if questioning as to why they’d expected a different answer. However Dean caught sight of Gabriel waggling his eyebrows at them, before sending an exaggerated wink in their direction. 

An hour later when all evidence of pancakes having been made had disappeared, they were all talking about what they would do for New Year’s when Sam suddenly shot up from his chair and shouted, “presents!” before running into the living room and crouching underneath the Christmas tree. 

Gabriel was the first one to follow him, followed eagerly by Chuck and Mary. Balthazar and John. Castiel rolled his eyes, downing the last sip of coffee, before asking Dean to lead the way and promptly falling onto the sofa with his eyes closed. When John asked why he was so tired, Castiel replied that both Sam and Dean had kept him up all night on the phone with their Christmas cheer.

Five minutes later, everyone was quietly making their way through their small pile of presents’. Occasionally, there would be a small exclamation of surprise, or a loud thank you, before the only sound was the rustle of wrapping paper being torn or thrown onto the ground. 

Sam started to jump around the room ecstatically when he opened Dean’s present, tackling Dean onto the floor with a hug and shouting “thank you” over and over until Dean had to force him to stop. Castiel smiled knowingly as Sam grinned at him from across the room, holding up his signed copies of several of his favourite books and a cd of his favourite band. Sam then waited until Dean had opened his presents, and laughed like a five year old when Dean had hugged him, eyes still widened in surprise at his signed collection of Vonnegut’s books.

“You’re all a bunch of nerds, surrounded by all these books!” Gabriel had shouted across the room, already eating from a chocolate tin he’d received. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, kiddo.” Chuck said to his son in reply, grinning when Gabriel opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing in relief. Castiel knew Gabriel had realised that it would be hopeless to fight with an author and a soon-to-be English major.  
When Castiel and Dean finally opened each other’s presents, they were in Dean’s bedroom storing their presents in his wardrobe for the time being. Dean had opened the small package with wide eyes, rolling the small silver band in between his forefinger and his thumb for several minutes before kissing Castiel like Castiel was his oxygen. 

A few weeks ago Dean had talked about his mother’s ring and how she’d brought him a male version of the silver band on her finger, but it had been stolen soon after the purchase. Although he’d never worn the ring, Castiel had been able to see the hopefulness in his eyes and had set out for days after trying to find the exact copy of the rare style of this ring. It had not been a successful quest, however when Castiel had been walking in the market and stumbled upon the stall, he had immediately purchased the ring without a shred of doubt.

In the same way, Castiel was overcome by emotion himself when he opened Dean’s envelope to reveal a statement, giving him the right to visit Michael’s grave whenever he pleased, which Castiel’s father had taken away from him. Castiel didn’t care how Dean had done it, or how long it had taken him, he simply stood in shock for several minutes before clamping his eyes shut, and nestling his head into Dean’s shoulder, whispering ‘thank you’ continuously. 

By the time noon rolled around, everyone was sprawled out in the living room watching films while Mary and Chuck hurried to make the Christmas dinner. The smell of turkey soon reached the kid’s noses and they all sprang up, the movie forgotten as they started setting out dishes and glasses in preparation for the meal. Mary laughed when she saw the five teenagers sat around the table, Christmas hats already on and crackers scattered randomly beside the cutlery; neither her nor Chuck failed to notice how most of them seem to be placed out of Gabriel’s reach. 

Castiel sat in between Chuck and Dean, occasionally stealing food off of Dean’s plate despite his own almost brimming over the edges. Gabriel and Sam drowned the clanking of forks and knives out by recounting some funny stories, everyone listening to them intently, and laughing at the serious expressions on their faces. Eventually the conversation turned from stories about school, to embarrassing recounts of their baby years. Chuck had countless stories about his sons’ pranks, while Mary rattled off about how protective Dean had been over Sam even from such an early age, causing a fair bit of confusion when Dean took certain things too seriously. 

When Chuck could, he’d talk about Castiel as a child too, how he’d been quiet and run around the house with a pair of fluffy white wings strapped to his back every Christmas time, begging to be put on top of the Christmas tree. However it was no secret that there were few stories to tell, not that Castiel minded, and he happily listened to the three adults reminisce as he leaned into Dean’s side. 

Eventually after a couple of hours had passed, the teens’ finally started to clean up and pack things away whilst John, Chuck and Mary got themselves ready to leave the house. Dean and Castiel didn’t fail to notice how quickly everyone rushed out the house soon after, leaving them with to do the washing up. With a small smile, Dean placed a small kiss on the corner of Castiel’s mouth before they finished cleaning around the house. 

Castiel knew, as he watched Dean load the dishwasher and pack the food into smaller tubs, that their interactions were very domestic. It hadn’t been the first time he’d realised this, but they were alone this time and Castiel couldn’t help but think he wouldn’t mind living with a routine like this. Having Dean trick him out of bed with the promise of coffee and do the chores that Castiel didn’t, like they both automatically knew who was in charge of what. 

Throwing the wrapping paper into a large bin bag and cleaning the living room until it was as clean as it had been before Castiel arrived, Cas walked back into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Dean as he finished putting the food away. They stood like that for a few moments, listening to each other’s breaths and feeling each other’s heartbeats through the thin fabrics of their shirt.  
“Let’s go watch a movie,” Cas whispered, nibbling on the lobe of Dean’s ear. 

“Sure thing, bright eyes.” Dean turned around to capture Castiel’s lips in a soft kiss before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the TV. “Any particular requests?”

“Not that I can think of, Mon amour.” Dean stopped looking at his collection of DVD’s and raised an eyebrow at Cas, who appeared oblivious to what he’d said. Dean was aware that Castiel could speak several languages, and though he wasn’t fluent himself, Dean was able to understand a lot of Latin and French. He couldn’t help but notice how light he’d felt when Castiel had called him that, and returned to his movies with a small smile on his face.

After deciding on Jack Frost, Dean finally settled next to Castiel and held the older teen close to him, stroking his fingers up and down Castiel’s arm and loving the way Cas shuddered underneath him. They were half way through the movie, having talked through most of it, when Dean caught sight of a condom on the floor and stopped mid-conversation. 

“…Dean?” 

“There’s a condom on the floor.”

“What?”

“There’s a condom on the-“ Before Dean could finish the sentence, Castiel had jumped off the sofa to pick it up, before slapping his forehead and sliding the package into the back pocket of his jeans. 

“Gabriel,” Castiel muttered, his cheeks red, “he thinks that because it’s been over two months we’ll be, quote, ‘going at it like horses’. I’m sorry, Dean, I should have seen it when I cleaned up earlier.” 

“Hey, it’s okay, Cas. I don’t mind.” Castiel bowed his head in embarrassment before ducking away from Dean and heading towards the kitchen to throw the condom away. He hadn’t even reached the door when Dean grabbed his wrist from behind, his fingers pressing against Castiel’s pulse. 

“I don’t mind…if you want to.” Dean said quietly, a trace of hope in his voice.

“But you haven’t-“

“I didn’t say anything because I wanted to do it when you were ready. After what your ex did, I didn’t want to-“ Dean’s speech was cut off when Castiel whirled around and crashed his lips against Dean’s. 

It took less than a second for Dean to respond, gently cupping Castiel’s jaw and pulling Cas closer to him. There was tenderness to this kiss that was different than the others; it was as if Castiel was trying to figure Dean out all over again. Castiel gasped quietly as Dean’s tongue ran along the opening of his mouth, parting his lips instinctively and almost losing his balance when Dean stroked the roof of Castiel’s mouth, drawing back to kiss Cas’s swollen lips. Castiel could only run his hands through Dean’s hair, pulling Dean's head down slightly. It was as if the nearer they got to one another, the more they craved – like crawling inside of Dean still wouldn’t be enough for Castiel. 

Castiel could feel himself breaking apart, so close to coming undone underneath Dean that it was overwhelming. And Dean kept kissing him, over and over again as if they were running out of time. Castiel could do nothing but respond to each kiss with just as much passion, just as much care, despite how breathless he was. Because he needed Dean, he needed as much of Dean as he could have. 

Castiel nipped at the swell of Dean’s lips, sucking and gnawing at it with a desire he barely knew he possessed. There were hidden messages in every press of their lips, words that had yet to be said and words that would never need to be uttered between them. Castiel finally pulled back slightly, his arms wrapped tightly around Dean’s waist and Dean’s fingers pressed into his hair. Dean’s eyes were wider than Cas had ever seen, the usual meadow-green colour replaced by something much darker. Cas's breath was coming out in short puffs as his chest rose and fell rapidly, his heartbeat so loud that he was sure that Dean would be able to hear it. 

Castiel’s eyes flickered over Dean’s full lips before he let out a low, pleading moan as if pulling away had been the worst idea he’d ever had. Dean let out a low, shaky breath in response, his expression showing slight concern for Castiel, a certain wariness to continue, and yet still desperate for more. Castiel needed Dean’s doubt to go away, and he rested his head against Dean’s, breath hot over the younger teen’s lips.

“You’re perfect, Dean…please. I need…I need.”

Dean nodded, having no idea what he had agreed to, but knew that he wanted it anyway. Whatever Cas had to give him, he would take it. Castiel immediately joined their mouths together again, only breaking away for a second to pant out the need for a bedroom against Dean’s lips, before he’d captured them again, giving Dean no time respond. 

They tumbled into the bedroom less than a two minutes later, clothes immediately being ripped off one another and thrown around Dean’s room. They didn’t care about the mess they created, they were simply desperate to touch each other. 

Castiel moaned underneath Dean as Dean carefully manoeuvred them onto the bed, arching his body up to fill the gaps between them. With gentle fingers, Cas trailed his fingers down from Dean’s neck to the curve at the end of his back, tracing small, soft circles down on the bumps of Dean’s spine. Dean in turn had gently grabbed Castiel’s hands above his head, occasionally removing his lips from Castiel’s so that he could kiss the pulse points in Castiel’s neck and wrists. Castiel curled his pink tongue over Dean’s bruised lips, eyes closing as Dean trailed kisses along the side of his jaw. Pressing, sucking, biting, and taking. Taking all that Castiel had of him; and Castiel gave himself to Dean willingly. 

He wanted Dean to know everything, and in turn wanted to know everything about Dean. He wanted to know exactly where to touch Dean, which parts of Dean were most sensitive, and which parts of Dean he could kiss most in public without it being inappropriate. He wanted to have the control over Dean that Dean had over him. 

As Dean kissed a particularly sensitive spot on the curve of his neck, Castiel moaned softly and buckled up against Dean, grinding his boxer-covered erection into Dean with undisguised want and shameless need. There was something about the way that Cas opened himself up that surprised Dean, how suddenly the mysterious enigma was replaced by someone who wasted no time and simply wanted to take what he could, and give as much as possible. 

Castiel brought his head up to kiss Dean’s shoulder, and caught the faint smell of aftershave and something so distinctly Dean he instantly craved more. The smell became addictive and he found himself breathing deeply into Dean’s neck before he began to trail his own kisses along Dean’s collarbone. It was like his body now had a mind of it’s own, responding to Dean’s tandem as if it was made for that very job. 

The noises Castiel continued to make must have finally caused Dean to crack, because Dean returned from kissing the rest of Castiel’s body to finally kissing his lips again, realising how restless he was making Castiel feel. Dean wanted to collect that noise, savour it for he was the one who caused it, and at the same time he craved to elicit more from Castiel. 

“Dean, I need…I need you in me.” Dean immediately moved away from the bed, leaving Castiel to groan in protest, as he fumbled desperately around his draw to find lube and then picked the condom Gabriel had given them off of the floor. Part of Dean hated that this was going so fast, but at the same time, he was desperate that there was no time to pause or slow down. Dean returned as quickly as he had gone, however this still seemed to be too long for Castiel, who propped himself up on his elbow to kiss Dean as Dean straddled his lap. 

They were both so far gone that they nearly felt too weak to continue. Castiel’s eyes were burning bright as he kissed the freckles dotted along Dean’s chest. It felt like hours had passed when Dean’s hand finally found it’s way between Castiel’s legs, fingers curving around his shaft, and Castiel immediately spread his legs wider, hissing with pleasure before he pointed Dean’s cock down between his legs, sliding it against the curve of his ass. 

Castiel lifted his sweaty brow to catch Dean’s gaze, both of them wide eyed and taken aback by slight disbelief, before Castiel leaned up one more to capture Dean’s lips in a soft, hesitant kiss. Dean complied immediately, bringing a hand to cup the back of Castiel’s neck as he brought their lips closer together. They sucked each other’s lips languidly, gnawing and tugging as they both realised exactly what they were about to do. The shock of it was not as big as it could have been, both of them knowing they had connected in all ways but this one. 

Castiel shifted back, ripping the condom packet open in a way Dean knew he shouldn’t have found attractive, but did anyway. He moaned Castiel’s name, dropping his head against the curve of Castiel’s shoulder, grinding slightly against Castiel’s thigh in desperation and eliciting a groan from both of them. Slowly, Castiel pushed the condom over the reddened head of Dean’s cock with delicate fingers, fingers that Dean had kissed so many times before. 

Dean leaned forward, his back arching as Castiel curved underneath him, staring up at him wide pleading eyes, begging for Dean to get on with what he was meant to do. With a few, soft brushes of lips, Dean allowed one hand to roam under the sheets until he caught hold of the lube. Without breaking their kiss, he uncapped the lid, squirting a generous amount of the stuff onto his fingers, slicking them over in the cold fluid, rubbing a little to warm it up. He brushed the pads of his fingers over the tight, pink rim of Castiel's opening, circling the entrance lightly just to feel Castiel's breathy sigh, kissing it from his lips as it passed, and Dean knew then that this was something he would never grow tired of. 

Castiel gasped once more against his lips, before Dean began to open him with a slow press, his other hand resting beside Castiel’s hip. He knew he had to wait a while until Castiel was ready but the sounds Castiel made underneath him could only be described as criminal, and Dean wanted more. He had no idea where to touch, and pumped gently for a few more moments to allow Castiel to get used to the intrusion, before curling his fingers, searching for the slight raise of muscle. It took barely a second for Castiel to arch up, swearing as his head fell back onto the pillows and he clenched the sheets in his fists. 

Paying careful attention to hit the spot several more times, Dean curved his finger against the muscle surrounding the gland and applied gentle strokes before slipping in a second, taking time to squirt a little extra lube. Castiel rolled with the motion, body swallowing Dean's fingers like it recognised him, his hips jerking back against him instinctively as he moaned Dean’s name over and over. Groaning softly, Dean began rocking his hips, Castiel’s hands urging him on and raising until they were cupped over Dean’s hips, head thrown back in ecstasy. It didn’t take long after for Dean to slip his third finger in quite easily, and he loved how Castiel arched towards him once more, eyes closed as if he were in a dream. It took one more gasp, one simply plead of his name and Dean couldn’t hold back any longer. 

Withdrawing his fingers carefully, Dean took hold of his own cock and teased the rim of Castiel’s hole with the tip of his erection, wanting to savour the way Castiel groaned deeply in response. His thighs trembled with anticipation as he dug his fingernails into Dean’s skin, pulling him forward and forcing the thick head of Dean’s cock to breach him quickly and suddenly, both of them letting out startled breaths. 

Dean leaned forward on his elbows, resting his forehead against Castiel’s, and dragged a hand through Castiel’s hair, pushing it away from his face. At first, Cas’s face was screwed tight in what Dean assumed was pain, before his mouth fell open in something akin to pleasure. He gently brushed his lips down Castiel’s cheekbone, letting the older teen get used to the pressure inside of him. As he waited, Dean listened to the thump of Castiel’s heart and had no doubt that it matched his own. 

And then Castiel nodded in silent permission, the movement small and almost unnoticeable. Dean pulled out again, not giving Castiel a chance to mourn the loss of contact before he was snapping back into place. Finally Castiel cracked; moaning loudly as his legs tightened around Dean’s waist, his body moving with each of Dean’s thrusts. 

Dean had been fast at first, but he eventually built a steady pace which was slower and drew soft moans and gasps from Castiel instead of the continuous loud sounds that he’d made earlier. Truth be told Dean had wanted to elicit those sounds again, however there was a tenderness to the press of Castiel’s fingers on his back and Dean knew this was a moment he needed to savour – one he wanted to. Dean knew no word could exist for the feeling of being inside Castiel, fitting into him so perfectly as if Cas would fill all the spaces. There was something so right about this, so true and obscurely pure, that Dean knew he belonged with Castiel. 

Bending his head down slightly, Dean kissed from Castiel’s collarbone up to his neck, then along his jaw until their lips met. The kiss was soft and long, full of care and though Dean didn’t want to believe it just yet, something he knew was love. Castiel whimpered against his lips as Dean thrust back into him, and Dean captured the sound in his mouth, tongue tracing along the grooves of Castiel’s teeth. Castiel brought a hand up to Dean’s bicep, hips jerking against Dean’s as he leaned up to kiss Dean’s shoulder.

“Cas, I need you to…babe, open your eyes.” Dean gasped, head titled until he saw Castiel’s blue eyes staring back at him. Ecstasy and pleasure mixed with passion and love reflected in Castiel’s gaze as Castiel lifted his head slightly to graze his eyelashes against the stubble of Dean’s jaw. Suddenly Castiel stuttered, and Dean began to move faster, loving each gasp and moan Castiel made until the noises grew louder and louder, Dean’s hips thrusting furiously into Castiel as if he wanted to leave a mark.

Through clenched eyes, Castiel tried to search out for Dean and couldn’t help but think, even with his eyes shut and face screwed in desperation, that Dean was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. And for Dean to be his, to call Dean his very own, was something Castiel still failed to believe. In the same way, as Dean realised Cas was growing close, he couldn’t help but notice how Castiel seemed to be glowing. Dean would laugh about his choice of words later, but at this moment in time with the white sheets surrounding them and the light from the hallway barely streaming into the room, Dean couldn’t help but notice how light Castiel’s pale skin seemed to be, and how his head was thrown back in impossible ecstasy. 

Slowly, Castiel began muttering Dean’s name over and over, occasionally letting slip “mon amour” before he’d have to pause, a sinful sounding groan escaping from his lips. One of Castiel’s hands had fallen limp onto the bed, and Dean kissed the inner forearm before grasping Castiel’s hand with his own, ushering for Castiel to let go, and come undone beneath him. It didn’t take much convincing and as soon as Dean muttered Castiel’s name into the air, Castiel jerked up before coming between their bodies, back curving as Dean’s name was said like a prayer on his lips. 

It didn’t take long after that, the image of Castiel still writhing underneath him, for Dean to come after a few more thrusts, letting loose a wretched sob into the pulse of Castiel’s neck. They were both acutely aware of the now dark sky outside, and the faint buzz of the city, however none of it mattered as Cas brought his right arm up and began stroking the back’s of his fingers down Dean’s neck, over and over until they both resumed a normal breathing rate. 

Dean remained on top of Castiel for a few more minutes, having pulled out after his climax had passed out of him in gentle shocks of after-pleasure. Finally, Dean lifted his head up and kissed the underside of Castiel’s jaw, bringing his left hand up to trace words on Castiel’s collarbone. 

“I do too, Dean,” Castiel whispered in response to the phrase being written over and over again along his skin, burning each time Dean touched him. “You are mon amour.” 

They knew it wouldn’t be perfect, and they knew just like always, that they’d fight over the silliest of things. However when push came to shove, both Dean and Castiel had no doubt that they’d have each other’s backs. When people had given up so much for them to be together, and had been so accepting of them simply because everyone felt as if Dean and Castiel were right, the few inevitable hurdles they would have to face were all going to be worth it in the end.


End file.
